I got a call yesterday from the doctor’s office (9 full days after my amniocentesis was performed), and they said that everything was normal- the baby is negative for Down’s Syndrome!  They also confirmed that it definitely is a girl.  I can’t even begin to explain the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. I would have never been able to go on with the rest of this pregnancy without knowing. The stress of that alone would have been bad for the baby I think.  I go back to the doctor next week to get the full 20-week anatomical ultrasound performed, even though they checked a lot of the organs when doing the amnio.  It’s still exciting though because I get to see her move around, which I love.

As for my Diva daughter, who’s now 18-months old, she’s been pointing to my belly and kissing it, and saying “bay bay,” which I THINK is her saying “baby”; who knows.  I tell her there’s a baby in mommy’s belly, but I don’t know if she grasps the concept.  Her temper tantrums have been awful lately–it’s really getting me nervous how I’m going to handle her and a newborn at the same time. I was originally going to get a double stroller, but she’s so bad with the stroller now.  But when I take her out to walk, she doesn’t stay with me—she runs away like I kidnapped her and she’s finally been set free.  If she was good with holding my hand or walking with the stroller I’d probably skip getting a double stroller.  But I’m thinking at this point that maybe I’ll get one (used) just to secure her in (even though she’ll kick & scream like she does now). Oh, the challenge of having an intense, spirited child.  I’m so jealous of people with easygoing babies.  They have NO idea what it’s like.  I really hope my new baby is a little easier.  I know that sounds bad, but I need a break!!

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and had my amniocentesis performed today to see if the baby has Down’s Syndrome. It’s going to take up to 2 weeks for the results, but a good sign is that there were no visible “markers” on the ultrasound showing deformities that may occur when a baby has Down’s. Plus, they also reaffirmed that my ratio from the blood screening is only slightly within the “higher chance” level, so the chances are about 1 percent (1: 235). I think I was more scared today about the risk of miscarriage from the amnio itself. The actual procedure didn’t hurt at all. I’ve had worse experiences with techs at the blood lab drawing blood from my arm. It feels like a pin prick, like you get when you have blood taken or have an IV put in your arm, but you only feel that on the outside of your skin. The doctor then goes through your muscle & fat layers, and that just feels weird (deep), but not painful. He did say I may feel mild cramping when he hit the uterus (like period cramps), but I barely felt anything. Since the doctor was viewing an ultrasound at the same time, he waited to push through to the amniotic sac because the baby decided to move its hand right where he was going to prick. I think it took about 2-3 full minutes for the baby to finally move its hand, (they jiggled my belly so it would move), so the doctor then pushed through and took out about 4 tablespoons of amniotic fluid. The baby then decided that it wanted to touch the foreign object in its environment, so it moved its hand over towards the needle (while I held my breath!). But the doctor said that it would only touch the side of the needle, not the pointy part. And I guess it didn’t touch the pointy part because it didn’t jerk away. Curious little baby I guess. The tech said it’s a girl, and I was thrilled about that because I have so many beautiful clothes that my 18 month old daughter barely got to wear. I think my husband is a tad disappointed, but oh well. When the doctor pulled the needle out, I could feel the needle going through all the layers of tissue, and that felt creepy. Then they had me lay there for about 5 minutes and told me to rest for the next 24-48 hours. No lifting, strenuous activity, sex, etc.

They said you can spot blood or amniotic fluid and/or feel mild cramping for the next day or 2. It’s been 9 hours so far, and I haven’t had any spotting/leaking thankfully, but I get very mild cramping when I stand or walk. So I’ve been laying down or sitting all day. My husband stayed home from work and my mom is coming over tomorrow to help me with my daughter (lifting her up, etc). The doctor said that usually if a miscarriage is going to happen, it happens within the first 2-3 days of the amnio, but usually the 1st day. After that, the other concern is infection from the needle, which can happen within 2 weeks. I’ll just keep focusing on positive, happy thoughts, so I can have a healthy little girl.

I’m 17 weeks pregnant now. Last week I went to have Step 2 of the Down’s Syndrome Screening Test done, which is blood work. Step 1 was the screening ultrasound where they check the thickness of the back of the baby’s neck to see if it has signs of having Down’s Syndrome. That part came back okay. Well, I got a call yesterday that my blood work came back as higher risk, which they call “positive,” but it doesn’t mean the baby has Down’s. The cutoff ratio for the screening risk is 1: 270. I’m 1: 235, which isn’t too far below the “safe zone,” but it’s still enough for them to call me. I know there is a very high false positive rate for this, which is a reason that many women choose not to get it done in the first place, but just the idea of it floating around in my head is freaking me out. I’m 32, and I found out that actually many women under age 35 have babies with Down’s also (not just women close to age 40). My husband and I decided we’ll get the amniocentesis done to be sure the baby doesn’t have Down’s. So I go next week for that, on August 18th. For those who don’t know, the amniocentesis procedure itself has a risk factor of causing miscarriage- a very low risk factor, but it exists. I think what’s terrifying me the most is what if they do the test, I miscarry, and then I found out that the baby didn’t have Down’s to begin with. That would horrify me. But my husband I both agree that with our circumstances and place in our lives right now, we want to take the risk and have the test done. His uncle, who is in his 50’s, has severe Autism and my husband’s 85 year old grandmother takes care of him. Once she passes away, the uncle will live with my husband’s parents and sister, and frankly, we can’t imagine how that’s going to work out because they have their own issues. It’s something I don’t want to think about. I have no siblings and my husband’s sister is incompetent, so again, I’d be lost if that was our situation. I know there are those with different beliefs, and I respect that, but that’s how I feel.

Statistically, it’s more likely that everything is okay, and the test will come back negative. But as with all things, it’s very scary to think about. I’ve read some blogs online about what other women have gone through with this situation, and majority of them have eased my fears. However, there were 2 I read about where the women went into pre-term labor and lost their babies after the procedure. It’s always that 1 person you hear about that sticks in your head. Of course those could have been natural miscarriages, such as from a weak cervix (which usually happens around the 20-week mark if it’s gonna happen) or some other issue.  I don’t know what the time period is of when you’re in the “safe zone” for miscarriage after the procedure…I’m hoping not more than a few weeks, so once those weeks pass I can relax and not be afraid. Actually, I’ll probably be too worried thinking about the results anyway (which takes 2 WEEKS) to think about that part. I’m putting all of this out there because I want to vent, and then let it go. I don’t want to think about it and just pretend in my head that everything is fine, and picture my little healthy baby in my arms, and seeing how my toddler will react to him or her. Visualize, visualize, visualize the positive. Actually, I think I’ll go find my book, “The Secret,” to help me with that. I always turn to that book when I need a pick me up. Thanks for listening everyone.

I’m 15 weeks along in my pregnancy now. I’m feeling good: no more nausea and not too tired. I do get shortness of breath sometimes, but it’s dealable. I’m still stuck with the current house, but I think I’m close to talking my husband into moving his big office to the smallest bedroom in the house, so that I can move my daughter into that room, and the future baby will go into my daughter’s current room. We’ll still be seriously short on closet space, but oh well. It could be a lot worse.

Lately, I’ve been wondering how exactly I’m going to manage a newborn with a 23-month old running around. Specifically, nursing. I know with “the Diva,” she nursed for like 45 minutes in the beginning, and then I had to start all over in 30-45 minutes. I was a constant feeding machine. How am I going to run around and chase my daughter and make sure she’s not getting into trouble while trying to nurse the newborn? I’m also trying to figure out the “gear” now. I think I’m going to use my daughter’s current crib for the baby (after a few months in a bassinet), and then I’ll have to move my daughter into a twin bed with rails. I didn’t want to do it at 23 months, but it just makes the most sense. And then potty training will probably have to start around then also. I really hate having all these changes for my daughter at once: new baby, new room, new bed, potty training. I worry that she’s going to feel like she was kicked out into the cold. She has sooo much attention from me now, and she’s definitely a “mama’s girl.”

As for music, my daughter LOVES it. She dances and claps whenever she hears music. Today I was playing a dvd of Jimmy Gnecco’s video “Mystery,” on the computer and she noticed and started swaying back and forth. Speaking of Jimmy/Ours, his new record label, Bright Antenna, has been streaming chat sessions with Jimmy, and they’re awesome! In fact, right now I’m watching a live concert of him playing at the Brooklyn Bowl show. I’m really loving the things this small label has been doing for him. It’s really a shame that the large labels he was with in the past didn’t give him the advertising or backing that he’s worth. At least he’s doing everything on his own terms now. And I mean everything- vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, producing, etc. I’m loving his solo album, “The Heart.” A big portion of the album was dedicated and/or influenced by the passing of his mom from lung cancer last year. I think the reason the album hits me so hard is because my dad was going through lung cancer the same time as his mom was, and they both died in November 2009. In a live recording from a past show, he talks about the meaning of the song “Bring You Home,” and how part of it is about putting his mom in the hospital even though she didn’t want to go. And how he wish he could bring her home, regardless of what the right thing to do is. I understand that struggle 100%. Before my dad was home on hospice, he was in a rehabilitation center for 2 or 3 months where nurses cared for him and tried to get him up and walking because he was so weak from cancer. He hated it there and once said to my mom, “I’m gonna die here aren’t I? They’re never gonna let me go home.” That was so hard to here. So whenever I hear Jimmy’s song, it hits a note. A deep, harmonic minor note.

I’m 9 weeks along now in my pregnancy and feeling pretty good physically. Emotionally, I’m a wreck. I have like 3 major stressors going on at the same time and I need to try to relax, but it’s not working. My husband and I have been house hunting for about 4 months now, but haven’t found anything decent- until last week. We found this beautiful house that was so much nicer than all the others for the same price. We found out it was a “short sale,” and our real estate agent explained some things about them, but the issues that turn most buyers away from short sales didn’t seem to affect our situation. We were all ready to put a bid in tonight, but last night we had a different real estate agent over to give us an idea of what OUR house would be worth if we were to sell it. Eventually the discussion turned, and we talked more with him about the short sale we might be buying. He told us a lot of information about short sales, and basically scared us away. The main thing he said, which our agent didn’t say exactly, was that MOST short sales fall through and that the banks don’t accept the offer. We knew that there was a chance that short sales could fall through, but we didn’t know that almost all of them do. I don’t want to spend money on a loan application, property inspection, & attorney, just to have it fall through down the line. We have the time it takes for the sale to go through (they take awhile), but I don’t want to lose any cash in the deal. So now I feel devastated because I DID NOT want to have baby #2 in the house we currently live in. Our house is nice from outside appearances. Functionally, it’s awful. There’s no central air so the bedrooms are HOT; majority of the house doesn’t have duct work so in the winter it’s freezing, even with the heat on; and one of the bathtubs has cracked tile on the wall which makes the adjoining room (baby #2’s room) smell moldy. My husband refuses to pay the money to get the bathroom redone, because the expenses would keep soaring since we’d also have to replace/remove the moldy window IN the shower wall, which would mean we’d need new siding outside and we’d have to put a vent in. Et cetera et cetera. My husband also refuses to switch his home office room with baby #2’s room, so that at least I wouldn’t get anxiety about the baby breathing in mold. Might I add that his office is a lot bigger than the tiny room we plan on putting the baby in. There isn’t even a closet in there. Let me move on before I get upset again. It’s also not fun thinking about selling your house when the market is down so low right now. Our house didn’t drop too much, especially compared to other people, but a loss of $10,000 is still upsetting to hear.

The other major thing that’s been on my mind lately is my dad. He died in November 2009 from cancer, so it’s been about 7 months, but it seems to be hitting me harder now, then it did when he first passed away. I think it’s because I’m pregnant and I wish he was here so I could tell him. I haven’t told my mom that I’m pregnant yet…I’ll probably do it once I’m out of the 1st trimester, but I’m not sure how she’ll react. I mean I know she’ll be happy about it, but she may also feel sadness that her husband isn’t there to share the occasion with her. I’m an only child and my 16-month old daughter is/was their only grandchild, so this would make #2. To make matters worse, since Father’s Day is this weekend, it’s even harder on me right now. I can’t stop crying and every little thing reminds me of my dad. Just yesterday I was watching the Disney movie “The Princess and the Frog” and even that made me cry when she said she missed her dad. I thought the pain would get easier with time, but it seems to be getting harder. How much longer until it passes? I know all this stress can’t be good for my pregnancy, so I’m thinking about using a massage gift certificate I received for Christmas. It’s the only thing I can think of to help me relax.

I had the big appointment today at the OBGYN to determine if my pregnancy is “viable” or not. Before my appointment I went to the gym to de-stress and kick up my happy endorphins. I hate when you go to the doctor’s office and they call you in right away, and you get undressed, but then you sit there FOREVER- naked, cold, & bored. At least there’s magazines in the waiting room. Well, that’s what happened this time. Because I was nervous to begin with, sitting there doing nothing made it worse. So I started to visualize seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor, and even tapped the machine and said, “show me good things!” My nervousness was getting the best of me though, so I finally just laid down and sang the song “Dizzy” in my head from the band Ours. That song always does the trick–I was relaxed and happy. The doctor who I like came in and said my blood work from last week looked good, so he’s going to do the ultrasound which will be the final determining factor–I guess the factor of whether it’s a miscarriage or not. I noticed he didn’t turn the monitor towards me in order for me to see the results immediately, which I was grateful for, because I didn’t want to look. He then turned it towards me and said, “We have a baby, and a heartbeat.”  Yay!! I was ecstatic, but as usual I played it off like I didn’t care and said calmly, “oh good.” Inside I was freaking out though! He said I have to get a Dating Ultrasound to determine my due date, since I’m “sizing small,” based on my last menstrual date, but we both acknowledged that it’s because I have a crazy cycle, so I know I got pregnant later than a normal cycle would.

As for my pregnancy symptoms this time around, I do get morning sickness (and evening sickness), but as with my last pregnancy, it’s not too bad. At least not enough that I vomit. I only get nauseous, especially if I have an empty stomach, so once I eat it goes away. I have a “beautiful” pregnancy mask. Ugh. Actually that was one of the reasons I took a pregnancy test to begin with. Nothing like looking like a freak to tell the world you’re pregnant! Haha. I have killer sinus headaches that make me miserable. The other day at the food store I actually had about 10 minutes of blurred vision, which freaked me out a little bit, but once I went outside it was fine (followed by a terrible sinus headache). My blood pressure is really good though, so the doctor said no biggie. I’m already urinating a lot and already have a belly, which is crazy to me. It must be bloating since I think I’m only about 7 1/2 weeks, but it’s weird since I didn’t show at all until I was about 5 months pregnant last time. They say it happens with 2nd pregnancies though. One symptom I DON’T have, which made me nervous about going into this appointment, is breast pain. With my last pregnancy, it was the most obvious symptom to me…but with this one, I have none at all. That’s fine by me. I told my husband the good news, and I started “telling” my 15-month old daughter by pointing to my belly and saying, “there’s a baby in there.” Hopefully she doesn’t start saying the word “baby” and repeating it to her grandparents because I don’t plan on telling them yet.

My husband and I decided a month ago that we should start trying to have another baby. I don’t know if my reason for wanting another child is one that people will understand, especially because it sounds pretty awful and not lovey-dovey enough, but my feelings are my feelings. Actually the idea of having another baby around freaks me out and fills me with anxiety (especially when I think about my daughter’s Colic when she was an infant), and having a 24-month old running around while a new baby is here just seems disastrous. I want to have another baby now to get it over with. There I said it. Does that sound horrible? I’m an only child and always thought I would be perfectly fine with having just one child. But since the time my dad died 6 months ago, I changed my mind on the issue. It was really hard for me to go through my dad’s death basically alone. I had no siblings to cry with, I had to put up a strong face for my mom, and recently my mom told me she did her will and I’ll have to handle all the paperwork stuff, power of attorney, etc. when she passes away, all while going through the grief. That’s not something I want to even think about, especially trying to figure all that out by myself, without any siblings to help me through it. Plus, currently my daughter has a small family, and once my mom and in-laws pass away, she’ll have nobody. She has no uncles, she has only 1 aunt who still lives at home and is incapable of being a productive member of society, and she will never have any cousins. I don’t want my daughter to be alone once my husband and I pass away. So that’s why I want to have another child.

I’m 32 now and I’d like to have a baby before 35, so I thought we better start trying now because I had pregnancy issues in the past, so it could take awhile. Well, one month later I felt super sick, like I had food poisoning. I couldn’t even stand up without feeling like I would vomit everywhere. I had just gone to a restaurant 2 days earlier for Mother’s Day, so I thought for sure it was food poisoning. But 2 days after feeling that way, it went away on it’s own without vomiting, so I thought something was up. I took a pregnancy test and immediately it was positive. I was ecstatic and couldn’t believe it happened so fast! This was how it was with my first pregnancy- the one that miscarried- I got pregnant within 1 month of trying. After the miscarriage  it took me almost 2 years to get pregnant with my daughter.

Now, because my menstrual cycle is FUBAR (f*ed up beyond all recognition), I knew there would be a problem with dating this pregnancy. Since having my daughter, I’ve only had 4 periods because I breastfed, and they were all wide apart: 35 days apart, 39 days, 40 days, and the last period I had on March 31st was a whopping 49 days from the period before that. They say “normal” is around 28/30 days apart. Not so for me. Well my first prenatal appointment was today, and I explained about my irregular periods and that I didn’t know how they would date it. They used the March 31st date anyway, and said that that would mean I’d be about 8 weeks now (if I had a normal cycle). They then did a vaginal ultrasound, and it showed there was only a gestational sac and yolk sac so far. The doctor (who I love), told me not to worry because it’s probably still too early since my cycle is weird, and that he remembers my history, so he knows I’m scared. This is how my miscarriage happened the first time–they did the ultrasound and only saw a sac, so I had to have lots of bloodwork done over the week and a few ultrasounds, and they determined that I was not progressing so they told me it was a miscarriage and I had to get a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). My stomach is in knots now. I really didn’t think it was possible for this to happen again. A few weeks ago someone in my Mom’s Group told me a story of how her son was almost “aborted” so to speak, because they told her there was only a sac and no heartbeat/baby, and on the day of her D&C surgery, they did one last ultrasound to make sure nothing grew, and sure enough, there was a heartbeat. So her son wouldn’t be here today if they didn’t do that 2nd ultrasound. They dated her wrong. That story gives me hope that it’s probably just too early, and that even if there isn’t a heartbeat next week when I have to go back to the doctor, I’ll just tell them I’m going to wait for everything to play out naturally instead of getting a D&C. Maybe it will make a difference. Two days from now (Thursday) I have to get my bloodwork taken to see if my hormone levels doubled, and I also have to schedule a dating ultrasound at this place that has a good machine. Then I have another appointment with the OBGYN next Thursday. I’m not sure when I’m supposed to schedule the ultrasound for though…I’ll find that out tomorrow. Wish me luck. I’m terrified.

I got notified at the beginning of the week that my 15-month old daughter’s picture was selected as a Weekly Reader’s Choice Finalist to be on the cover of Parent’s Magazine. I was really excited because it’s an adorable picture. I read in the rules that one of the criteria they are looking for is to see your child’s personality. Well, “the Diva” definitely has that! I submitted a picture of her in a sassy outfit with a hot pink, ruffled, bedazzled skirt and a ruffled black t-shirt that says “My mom rocks” in rhinestones. She’s sticking her tongue out and has a pink bow. Very cute. Well, it turns out that there are lots of weekly finalists, and to see who moves on to the Semi-Finals you have to get everyone you know to vote for your picture daily, for a week. I don’t know 100’s of people, and many of the people I know who WOULD vote are computer illiterate, so they wouldn’t know to enter in the security word that confirms your vote is entered. Therefore, she’s dropped from #37 at the beginning of the week to #222 today. I hate entering contests that become more of a popularity contest than quality (or that allow cheaters who use computer scripts that will vote repeatedly by deleting your computer cookies). Seriously, some of these kids currently in the top 20 have terrible pictures–and I’m not just being mean or jealous. I mean the actual pictures themselves are horrible quality, like they were taken with a grainy cell phone, or the child’s face is blurry, etc. I’ve decided I’m not entering any more contests if I know there is a public vote in the early stages. What a scam. Well, in case I suddenly get crazy amounts of readers, you can vote for my daughter here, and be sure to enter in the security phrase afterwards or the vote doesn’t count. Thank you!   http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/282007

Well, the Diva still isn’t walking yet. She’s 14 months old now, almost 15, and a week ago she actually let go by herself and took 6 or 7 steps, but now we’re back to just maybe 2 steps, if I let go of her hands. She can stand on her own for a good amount of time before toppling over though. It’s a little inconvenient that she’s not walking yet, because she’s REALLY heavy. I don’t know her exact weight (we go to the doctor next week), but I think when I checked a month or 2 ago she was 26 pounds. So my back is killing me from carrying her everywhere. I’m still calling her a baby until she walks. Once she walks, then I’ll call her a toddler. Towards the end of 13 months old, she started to blow kisses which is adorable. Around the same time, I dropped her to just one nursing session a day- right when she wakes up in the morning. And I’m very proud to say that 3 days ago, I weaned her for good! I was waiting for a good day to do it, and the other day she actually woke up in a good mood without screaming, so I figured it was the perfect time. I distracted her with some books, and she actually forgot about nursing. The next day I wasn’t so lucky. She had a major FIT. She screamed these really intense guttural sounds, kind of like she was growling, for a good 15 minutes straight, and she kept bucking around while lying on her back. I tried giving her a cup of milk and reading her a book, but she just pushed them away. Finally when she lost some steam, she sat there quietly and listened to me read to her and drank her milk. Today she woke up happy again and seemed to forget all about nursing, so YAY!

One of my favorite things she started doing at 14 months old was pointing out most of her body parts when asked: head, nose, ears, eyes, mouth, lips, hair, fingers, thumb, hand, arms, feet, legs, toes, back, and my favorites–belly button and tongue. Nothing cuter than her sticking her tongue out and going “mmmm” to show me. Yeah, that will get old when she’s a bratty little 7 year old sticking her tongue out at me and I scold her for it. Haha. She seems to understand a lot of words, but in terms of saying them, “ba” is a ball and a balloon. “Da” is dad, duck, and dog. That’s about it. But if I say a word, she usually can point it out.

She still loves music and will push buttons on her musical toys and will sway from side to side and clap her hands when she hears it. She’ll also start dancing in her car seat when she hears music. She is now tall enough to reach the keys on my piano, so I leave it open so she can walk over (technically, creep over) and play whenever she wants. She always gets a big smile when she realizes that she’s the one making the noises on the piano.

A few months ago I joined a Young Mom’s Group, and I really love it. It’s so nice to get advice, support, and adult company every now and then. Plus, I think it really helped my daughter with the separation anxiety she had in the past. She loves seeing other kids now and even if I’m taking her for a walk in the stroller, if she sees another child pass us, she’ll start waving and smiling at them. Overall she plays really well with the other kids. Sometimes she’ll hit instead of just touching, so we’re working on “gentle.” She’ll do “gentle” for a second and then back to hitting. In time, right?

Certain times I love having a daughter with a “spirited” temperament. When she’s happy, she’s super excitable and kicks her feet and squeals and makes really loud belly laughs. Of course along with this comes the same temperament for when she’s upset: she has major temper tantrums with an arched back, she screams at the top of her lungs when she’s mad, and she has a cry louder than any baby I’ve ever heard. This is why her nickname is “The Diva.” Unfortunately, because she’s too young to manage her angry feelings yet, I try to avoid doing certain things in the hopes of avoiding a major scene when she has one of her famous meltdowns (today she had 5 alone!). Usually the things I avoid aren’t too big of a deal that I feel like I’m missing out. I don’t go out to eat with her too much, but my mother-in-law likes to come over to babysit, so when she does, my husband and I try to go out to eat then. I wouldn’t take her to an all-day thing like the zoo or aquarium, but I think she’s too young for that now anyway, so no biggie. BUT…something happened last weekend over Easter that changed all my nonchalant feelings.

My cousin, who is my daughter’s godmother, told me that they have a timeshare in Maui, Hawaii and she’s going there the end of May for a week. They wanted to know if my husband and I wanted to come, along with my daughter (who just turned 14 months old). My jaw dropped for two reasons. First- I have ALWAYS wanted to go to Maui. Not Hawaii, but MAUI specifically. I’ve heard it’s breathtakingly beautiful. Second- MY daughter on a plane? The Diva who won’t even stay quiet or sit still for 30 minutes at a restaurant? A plane for at least 11 hours?! I think I had an anxiety attack right then and there. But, it’s Maui! I have never felt so torn in what to do. My husband and I kept going back and forth in trying to decide. A big factor was money. Even though we wouldn’t have to pay for a hotel since we were offered to stay with my cousin, we’d still have to pay for airfare from N.J., along with a rental car, food, and other little things like extra airline baggage (all those diapers, baby food, etc), a car seat rental, a pack-n-play rental, etc. We tried to figure out if we could keep her on our laps for free on the flight since it’s allowed for babies under 2, but I don’t think it’s possible. She would be 16 months old, she’s a huge child, and she hates sitting on my lap. I don’t know if she’ll be walking yet either by then, so letting her walk the aisles to let off steam might not be possible. So, her having her own seat would mean airfare alone would be about $3000 for us, and that’s more than any of the awesome cruises I’ve been on which include food! Plus, I know this sounds horrible, but I don’t know if I’d even get to really enjoy Maui while tending to a young toddler constantly. And the plane ride still gives me chills to think about.

In the end, we decided to pass on the offer, and hope that my cousin decides to go back to Maui through her timeshare in a few years. At least by then I could bring a dvd or something on the plane for my daughter to watch, and I can tell her how to behave and she can tell me how she’s feeling when she’s upset (instead of just screaming and me trying to guess what the issue is). I feel horrible about actually having to say no to Maui, but I think it was the right thing to do. Just another sacrifice of motherhood, right?