I’m 9 weeks along now in my pregnancy and feeling pretty good physically. Emotionally, I’m a wreck. I have like 3 major stressors going on at the same time and I need to try to relax, but it’s not working. My husband and I have been house hunting for about 4 months now, but haven’t found anything decent- until last week. We found this beautiful house that was so much nicer than all the others for the same price. We found out it was a “short sale,” and our real estate agent explained some things about them, but the issues that turn most buyers away from short sales didn’t seem to affect our situation. We were all ready to put a bid in tonight, but last night we had a different real estate agent over to give us an idea of what OUR house would be worth if we were to sell it. Eventually the discussion turned, and we talked more with him about the short sale we might be buying. He told us a lot of information about short sales, and basically scared us away. The main thing he said, which our agent didn’t say exactly, was that MOST short sales fall through and that the banks don’t accept the offer. We knew that there was a chance that short sales could fall through, but we didn’t know that almost all of them do. I don’t want to spend money on a loan application, property inspection, & attorney, just to have it fall through down the line. We have the time it takes for the sale to go through (they take awhile), but I don’t want to lose any cash in the deal. So now I feel devastated because I DID NOT want to have baby #2 in the house we currently live in. Our house is nice from outside appearances. Functionally, it’s awful. There’s no central air so the bedrooms are HOT; majority of the house doesn’t have duct work so in the winter it’s freezing, even with the heat on; and one of the bathtubs has cracked tile on the wall which makes the adjoining room (baby #2’s room) smell moldy. My husband refuses to pay the money to get the bathroom redone, because the expenses would keep soaring since we’d also have to replace/remove the moldy window IN the shower wall, which would mean we’d need new siding outside and we’d have to put a vent in. Et cetera et cetera. My husband also refuses to switch his home office room with baby #2’s room, so that at least I wouldn’t get anxiety about the baby breathing in mold. Might I add that his office is a lot bigger than the tiny room we plan on putting the baby in. There isn’t even a closet in there. Let me move on before I get upset again. It’s also not fun thinking about selling your house when the market is down so low right now. Our house didn’t drop too much, especially compared to other people, but a loss of $10,000 is still upsetting to hear.

The other major thing that’s been on my mind lately is my dad. He died in November 2009 from cancer, so it’s been about 7 months, but it seems to be hitting me harder now, then it did when he first passed away. I think it’s because I’m pregnant and I wish he was here so I could tell him. I haven’t told my mom that I’m pregnant yet…I’ll probably do it once I’m out of the 1st trimester, but I’m not sure how she’ll react. I mean I know she’ll be happy about it, but she may also feel sadness that her husband isn’t there to share the occasion with her. I’m an only child and my 16-month old daughter is/was their only grandchild, so this would make #2. To make matters worse, since Father’s Day is this weekend, it’s even harder on me right now. I can’t stop crying and every little thing reminds me of my dad. Just yesterday I was watching the Disney movie “The Princess and the Frog” and even that made me cry when she said she missed her dad. I thought the pain would get easier with time, but it seems to be getting harder. How much longer until it passes? I know all this stress can’t be good for my pregnancy, so I’m thinking about using a massage gift certificate I received for Christmas. It’s the only thing I can think of to help me relax.

I had the big appointment today at the OBGYN to determine if my pregnancy is “viable” or not. Before my appointment I went to the gym to de-stress and kick up my happy endorphins. I hate when you go to the doctor’s office and they call you in right away, and you get undressed, but then you sit there FOREVER- naked, cold, & bored. At least there’s magazines in the waiting room. Well, that’s what happened this time. Because I was nervous to begin with, sitting there doing nothing made it worse. So I started to visualize seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor, and even tapped the machine and said, “show me good things!” My nervousness was getting the best of me though, so I finally just laid down and sang the song “Dizzy” in my head from the band Ours. That song always does the trick–I was relaxed and happy. The doctor who I like came in and said my blood work from last week looked good, so he’s going to do the ultrasound which will be the final determining factor–I guess the factor of whether it’s a miscarriage or not. I noticed he didn’t turn the monitor towards me in order for me to see the results immediately, which I was grateful for, because I didn’t want to look. He then turned it towards me and said, “We have a baby, and a heartbeat.”  Yay!! I was ecstatic, but as usual I played it off like I didn’t care and said calmly, “oh good.” Inside I was freaking out though! He said I have to get a Dating Ultrasound to determine my due date, since I’m “sizing small,” based on my last menstrual date, but we both acknowledged that it’s because I have a crazy cycle, so I know I got pregnant later than a normal cycle would.

As for my pregnancy symptoms this time around, I do get morning sickness (and evening sickness), but as with my last pregnancy, it’s not too bad. At least not enough that I vomit. I only get nauseous, especially if I have an empty stomach, so once I eat it goes away. I have a “beautiful” pregnancy mask. Ugh. Actually that was one of the reasons I took a pregnancy test to begin with. Nothing like looking like a freak to tell the world you’re pregnant! Haha. I have killer sinus headaches that make me miserable. The other day at the food store I actually had about 10 minutes of blurred vision, which freaked me out a little bit, but once I went outside it was fine (followed by a terrible sinus headache). My blood pressure is really good though, so the doctor said no biggie. I’m already urinating a lot and already have a belly, which is crazy to me. It must be bloating since I think I’m only about 7 1/2 weeks, but it’s weird since I didn’t show at all until I was about 5 months pregnant last time. They say it happens with 2nd pregnancies though. One symptom I DON’T have, which made me nervous about going into this appointment, is breast pain. With my last pregnancy, it was the most obvious symptom to me…but with this one, I have none at all. That’s fine by me. I told my husband the good news, and I started “telling” my 15-month old daughter by pointing to my belly and saying, “there’s a baby in there.” Hopefully she doesn’t start saying the word “baby” and repeating it to her grandparents because I don’t plan on telling them yet.