I had a doctor’s appointment when I was 39 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me I was only dilated 1-2 cms, and he was going to strip my membranes and try to stretch my cervix to jump start labor since he knew I wanted a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean)- I had that done with my first daughter, even though it didn’t help start labor then. The doctor this time didn’t make me bleed from stripping my membranes, but it was really uncomfortable and hurt a bit (not bad though). That night I started doing acupressure on myself on key points that are supposed to help induce labor (on the ankle and on the hand). It’s supposed to work within 48 hours. Well, the next evening in the middle of the night I started getting some mild cramping, which is like menstrual cramps. The next morning at 8am I started getting contractions, and as with my first daughter, they were immediately 1.5 minutes apart, but only lasted 20-30 seconds. I wanted to stay home as long as possible, so I didn’t go to the hospital until around 4pm, which is when I couldn’t talk through the contractions any longer.

The hospital told me I was 3-4 cms dilated at that point, and I was a little disappointed because I was hoping to be further along. As the contractions got stronger, in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I hope they don’t cause my c-section uterine scar to rupture. Then the pain got so bad that I forgot all about the chance of rupture and just wanted each contraction to be over with. I eventually couldn’t take it any longer and got the epidural at 6-7 cms dilated. One of the reasons I didn’t want an epidural was because I didn’t want it to lead to another c-section, which is common. But this time it was different: no complications! The baby’s heart rate was good the entire time, I kept dilating, my contractions stayed consistent, and I wasn’t bleeding excessively. Yay! I started to feel contractions again and was worried that my epidural was fading. That was when the nurse said that I reached 10 cms and could start pushing. I had heard from people that even with an epidural you can still feel the pushing and “ring of fire” from the baby being delivered. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for me. The contraction pain actually went away as I was pushing, so I was more than happy to keep pushing. They didn’t have to turn down my epidural because they said my pushing was very effective and I had strong abs. I felt the baby moving down and could feel her head. The entire time I had my ipod going, and the doctor said that the baby was coming so I should pick a song I like for the baby to be born to. haha. I did a few last minute pushes to “Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson and the baby was pushed out to “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama. The total pushing stage was an hour and a half, but it only felt like maybe 15 minutes. The doctor said I did tear in 2 places and stitched me up.

My daughter was covered in vernix and crying loudly, and I was one proud mama. I had a VBAC! I can’t describe the feeling of pushing her out, except that it felt awesome, even though that sounds weird. I was just happy it didn’t hurt. My husband said that it was probably the coolest thing he’s ever seen. She was 8 lbs and 3 oz- a little smaller than my 1st daughter who was 8 lbs, 9 oz (and 2 weeks late).

So, 48 hours after doing the acupressure on myself, I had my baby 3 days before my due date at 11:25 pm- 15.5 hours of labor. It could have been the acupuncture; it could have been the stripping of the membranes/stretching of the cervix; or it could have been just nature. Either way, I was thrilled that I had a successful VBAC and would recommend it to others.

So far this pregnancy is similar to my last pregnancy, which was almost 2 years ago:  I’m 38 weeks pregnant (just about 39 weeks) and I’ve never experienced Braxton Hicks contractions ever, no contractions (with my 1st I didn’t have one contraction until I was in full-on labor), and my cervix is currently sealed up at a zero- sorry if that’s TMI. This worries me because my 1st daughter was 2 weeks late before I kind of broke my own water on accident, causing me to go into labor. I winded up needing a C-section in the end of that whole bloody mess (you can read about that towards the beginning of my blog posts). I’m attempting a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) this time around because I’m lucky to have a hospital that does them, and I really really want a successful VBAC. However, their rule is that if I’m more than 1 week late, they’ll have to do a C-section because they will not induce for a VBAC (which I agree with 100%).

At my appointment yesterday, the doctor said that he thinks this baby will be big also (my first was 8.9 oz at 2 weeks late), so that worries me a little since the longer I go, the bigger the baby will get. I know their estimates aren’t reliable since they told me my 1st daughter would be a small 7-pounder, but still. The idea of pushing out a 9+ baby with a C-section uterine scar makes me a little nervous, but I think my body can handle it. I’m going to try to go natural with no meds again since that should make the process faster and safer. I just wish I would get some sign of labor- even if it’s just 1 tiny contraction or dilating to 1 or 2 cms. I already exercise a lot and do the other stuff they say to induce naturally. When I know for sure we’re not getting a snowstorm tomorrow (I’ll need my mom to come here to watch my daughter if I go into labor and she’s an hour away) I think I’ll start with the acupressure points. Wish me luck!

Today I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. My due date is January 16th, and I’m starting to get anxious. Actually I’ve been very anxious for the last 2 months. Not the kind of anxious where I can’t wait for it to happen and for me to be home with the new baby. I’m the kind of anxious where I just want to keep her inside until everything in my life is just “perfect” and organized, and then I’ll be ready for her to come. Of course that will never happen, and I can’t be pregnant forever, so I have to face my Type A personality and try to relax a little bit. Last night we finally took down all the size 0-3 months clothes from the attic, and they’re now in the baby’s dresser. We also took down the infant car seats and have to put them in our cars, along with moving my 22-month old’s car seat over. At least I feel like I have a few things accomplished.

With my first daughter (The Diva), I had to have a C-section after getting to 9 cms because they thought I might have had a partial placental abruption. I was bleeding too much and even at only 3 cms my body was heaving everywhere with non-stop contractions, and I’m told it feels equivalent to being at “transition” phase, which you normally don’t get until towards the end. I had my heart set on a natural, no pain medicine birth, but I caved at 7 cms when I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. As I expected it slowed down the progression of the labor, and eventually when I was getting contractions, my daughter’s heart rate wasn’t going up as it should. So all those factors lead to the C-section, which I was very upset about. My recovery was easy and not really painful at all, but it was the fact that I had my heart set on a regular, natural birth that made it so disappointing.

My hospital is one of the few that performs VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). They’ve told me that not a lot of people attempt them, but they do them. If a person meets the criteria, then they can attempt a VBAC, but they do have certain rules for safety reasons. One rule is that they don’t induce since the Pitocin medicine gives you stronger contractions than the natural body does, and they don’t want to increase the chance of having your uterus rupture at the C-section scar. Another rule for VBACs is that they don’t let you go more than 41 weeks, and at that point they will do a C-section. In 3 days I have an appointment with the head doctor of the department, so I”m going to ask him all my VBAC questions. I have some weird ones, like should I be afraid to push too hard because of the scar ripping open. I have to admit that I am a little nervous–I don’t want me or my baby to die if my uterus ruptures and they can’t get me into surgery fast enough, but I also don’t want a 2nd C-section. There are also risks involved with 2nd C-sections, but nobody every talks about those. Plus, I have a daughter who will be 2 in February, and I can’t imagine not being able to lift her up for EIGHT weeks, which is the normal recovery time for a C-section. It’s impossible. I have to get her in her high chair, car seat, etc, and I’m home by myself most of the time. I shouldn’t even be really worrying though, because knowing my luck, I’ll be a week late anyway (my daughter was 2-weeks late), and I won’t have the choice of having a VBAC at that point. I’d love to hear if anyone has any successful VBAC stories, and if you did it with or without an epidural. I’m going to try again for no epidural, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself this time if I can’t follow through.

I got a call yesterday from the doctor’s office (9 full days after my amniocentesis was performed), and they said that everything was normal- the baby is negative for Down’s Syndrome!  They also confirmed that it definitely is a girl.  I can’t even begin to explain the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. I would have never been able to go on with the rest of this pregnancy without knowing. The stress of that alone would have been bad for the baby I think.  I go back to the doctor next week to get the full 20-week anatomical ultrasound performed, even though they checked a lot of the organs when doing the amnio.  It’s still exciting though because I get to see her move around, which I love.

As for my Diva daughter, who’s now 18-months old, she’s been pointing to my belly and kissing it, and saying “bay bay,” which I THINK is her saying “baby”; who knows.  I tell her there’s a baby in mommy’s belly, but I don’t know if she grasps the concept.  Her temper tantrums have been awful lately–it’s really getting me nervous how I’m going to handle her and a newborn at the same time. I was originally going to get a double stroller, but she’s so bad with the stroller now.  But when I take her out to walk, she doesn’t stay with me—she runs away like I kidnapped her and she’s finally been set free.  If she was good with holding my hand or walking with the stroller I’d probably skip getting a double stroller.  But I’m thinking at this point that maybe I’ll get one (used) just to secure her in (even though she’ll kick & scream like she does now). Oh, the challenge of having an intense, spirited child.  I’m so jealous of people with easygoing babies.  They have NO idea what it’s like.  I really hope my new baby is a little easier.  I know that sounds bad, but I need a break!!

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and had my amniocentesis performed today to see if the baby has Down’s Syndrome. It’s going to take up to 2 weeks for the results, but a good sign is that there were no visible “markers” on the ultrasound showing deformities that may occur when a baby has Down’s. Plus, they also reaffirmed that my ratio from the blood screening is only slightly within the “higher chance” level, so the chances are about 1 percent (1: 235). I think I was more scared today about the risk of miscarriage from the amnio itself. The actual procedure didn’t hurt at all. I’ve had worse experiences with techs at the blood lab drawing blood from my arm. It feels like a pin prick, like you get when you have blood taken or have an IV put in your arm, but you only feel that on the outside of your skin. The doctor then goes through your muscle & fat layers, and that just feels weird (deep), but not painful. He did say I may feel mild cramping when he hit the uterus (like period cramps), but I barely felt anything. Since the doctor was viewing an ultrasound at the same time, he waited to push through to the amniotic sac because the baby decided to move its hand right where he was going to prick. I think it took about 2-3 full minutes for the baby to finally move its hand, (they jiggled my belly so it would move), so the doctor then pushed through and took out about 4 tablespoons of amniotic fluid. The baby then decided that it wanted to touch the foreign object in its environment, so it moved its hand over towards the needle (while I held my breath!). But the doctor said that it would only touch the side of the needle, not the pointy part. And I guess it didn’t touch the pointy part because it didn’t jerk away. Curious little baby I guess. The tech said it’s a girl, and I was thrilled about that because I have so many beautiful clothes that my 18 month old daughter barely got to wear. I think my husband is a tad disappointed, but oh well. When the doctor pulled the needle out, I could feel the needle going through all the layers of tissue, and that felt creepy. Then they had me lay there for about 5 minutes and told me to rest for the next 24-48 hours. No lifting, strenuous activity, sex, etc.

They said you can spot blood or amniotic fluid and/or feel mild cramping for the next day or 2. It’s been 9 hours so far, and I haven’t had any spotting/leaking thankfully, but I get very mild cramping when I stand or walk. So I’ve been laying down or sitting all day. My husband stayed home from work and my mom is coming over tomorrow to help me with my daughter (lifting her up, etc). The doctor said that usually if a miscarriage is going to happen, it happens within the first 2-3 days of the amnio, but usually the 1st day. After that, the other concern is infection from the needle, which can happen within 2 weeks. I’ll just keep focusing on positive, happy thoughts, so I can have a healthy little girl.

I’m 15 weeks along in my pregnancy now. I’m feeling good: no more nausea and not too tired. I do get shortness of breath sometimes, but it’s dealable. I’m still stuck with the current house, but I think I’m close to talking my husband into moving his big office to the smallest bedroom in the house, so that I can move my daughter into that room, and the future baby will go into my daughter’s current room. We’ll still be seriously short on closet space, but oh well. It could be a lot worse.

Lately, I’ve been wondering how exactly I’m going to manage a newborn with a 23-month old running around. Specifically, nursing. I know with “the Diva,” she nursed for like 45 minutes in the beginning, and then I had to start all over in 30-45 minutes. I was a constant feeding machine. How am I going to run around and chase my daughter and make sure she’s not getting into trouble while trying to nurse the newborn? I’m also trying to figure out the “gear” now. I think I’m going to use my daughter’s current crib for the baby (after a few months in a bassinet), and then I’ll have to move my daughter into a twin bed with rails. I didn’t want to do it at 23 months, but it just makes the most sense. And then potty training will probably have to start around then also. I really hate having all these changes for my daughter at once: new baby, new room, new bed, potty training. I worry that she’s going to feel like she was kicked out into the cold. She has sooo much attention from me now, and she’s definitely a “mama’s girl.”

As for music, my daughter LOVES it. She dances and claps whenever she hears music. Today I was playing a dvd of Jimmy Gnecco’s video “Mystery,” on the computer and she noticed and started swaying back and forth. Speaking of Jimmy/Ours, his new record label, Bright Antenna, has been streaming chat sessions with Jimmy, and they’re awesome! In fact, right now I’m watching a live concert of him playing at the Brooklyn Bowl show. I’m really loving the things this small label has been doing for him. It’s really a shame that the large labels he was with in the past didn’t give him the advertising or backing that he’s worth. At least he’s doing everything on his own terms now. And I mean everything- vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, producing, etc. I’m loving his solo album, “The Heart.” A big portion of the album was dedicated and/or influenced by the passing of his mom from lung cancer last year. I think the reason the album hits me so hard is because my dad was going through lung cancer the same time as his mom was, and they both died in November 2009. In a live recording from a past show, he talks about the meaning of the song “Bring You Home,” and how part of it is about putting his mom in the hospital even though she didn’t want to go. And how he wish he could bring her home, regardless of what the right thing to do is. I understand that struggle 100%. Before my dad was home on hospice, he was in a rehabilitation center for 2 or 3 months where nurses cared for him and tried to get him up and walking because he was so weak from cancer. He hated it there and once said to my mom, “I’m gonna die here aren’t I? They’re never gonna let me go home.” That was so hard to here. So whenever I hear Jimmy’s song, it hits a note. A deep, harmonic minor note.

I had the big appointment today at the OBGYN to determine if my pregnancy is “viable” or not. Before my appointment I went to the gym to de-stress and kick up my happy endorphins. I hate when you go to the doctor’s office and they call you in right away, and you get undressed, but then you sit there FOREVER- naked, cold, & bored. At least there’s magazines in the waiting room. Well, that’s what happened this time. Because I was nervous to begin with, sitting there doing nothing made it worse. So I started to visualize seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor, and even tapped the machine and said, “show me good things!” My nervousness was getting the best of me though, so I finally just laid down and sang the song “Dizzy” in my head from the band Ours. That song always does the trick–I was relaxed and happy. The doctor who I like came in and said my blood work from last week looked good, so he’s going to do the ultrasound which will be the final determining factor–I guess the factor of whether it’s a miscarriage or not. I noticed he didn’t turn the monitor towards me in order for me to see the results immediately, which I was grateful for, because I didn’t want to look. He then turned it towards me and said, “We have a baby, and a heartbeat.”  Yay!! I was ecstatic, but as usual I played it off like I didn’t care and said calmly, “oh good.” Inside I was freaking out though! He said I have to get a Dating Ultrasound to determine my due date, since I’m “sizing small,” based on my last menstrual date, but we both acknowledged that it’s because I have a crazy cycle, so I know I got pregnant later than a normal cycle would.

As for my pregnancy symptoms this time around, I do get morning sickness (and evening sickness), but as with my last pregnancy, it’s not too bad. At least not enough that I vomit. I only get nauseous, especially if I have an empty stomach, so once I eat it goes away. I have a “beautiful” pregnancy mask. Ugh. Actually that was one of the reasons I took a pregnancy test to begin with. Nothing like looking like a freak to tell the world you’re pregnant! Haha. I have killer sinus headaches that make me miserable. The other day at the food store I actually had about 10 minutes of blurred vision, which freaked me out a little bit, but once I went outside it was fine (followed by a terrible sinus headache). My blood pressure is really good though, so the doctor said no biggie. I’m already urinating a lot and already have a belly, which is crazy to me. It must be bloating since I think I’m only about 7 1/2 weeks, but it’s weird since I didn’t show at all until I was about 5 months pregnant last time. They say it happens with 2nd pregnancies though. One symptom I DON’T have, which made me nervous about going into this appointment, is breast pain. With my last pregnancy, it was the most obvious symptom to me…but with this one, I have none at all. That’s fine by me. I told my husband the good news, and I started “telling” my 15-month old daughter by pointing to my belly and saying, “there’s a baby in there.” Hopefully she doesn’t start saying the word “baby” and repeating it to her grandparents because I don’t plan on telling them yet.

My husband and I decided a month ago that we should start trying to have another baby. I don’t know if my reason for wanting another child is one that people will understand, especially because it sounds pretty awful and not lovey-dovey enough, but my feelings are my feelings. Actually the idea of having another baby around freaks me out and fills me with anxiety (especially when I think about my daughter’s Colic when she was an infant), and having a 24-month old running around while a new baby is here just seems disastrous. I want to have another baby now to get it over with. There I said it. Does that sound horrible? I’m an only child and always thought I would be perfectly fine with having just one child. But since the time my dad died 6 months ago, I changed my mind on the issue. It was really hard for me to go through my dad’s death basically alone. I had no siblings to cry with, I had to put up a strong face for my mom, and recently my mom told me she did her will and I’ll have to handle all the paperwork stuff, power of attorney, etc. when she passes away, all while going through the grief. That’s not something I want to even think about, especially trying to figure all that out by myself, without any siblings to help me through it. Plus, currently my daughter has a small family, and once my mom and in-laws pass away, she’ll have nobody. She has no uncles, she has only 1 aunt who still lives at home and is incapable of being a productive member of society, and she will never have any cousins. I don’t want my daughter to be alone once my husband and I pass away. So that’s why I want to have another child.

I’m 32 now and I’d like to have a baby before 35, so I thought we better start trying now because I had pregnancy issues in the past, so it could take awhile. Well, one month later I felt super sick, like I had food poisoning. I couldn’t even stand up without feeling like I would vomit everywhere. I had just gone to a restaurant 2 days earlier for Mother’s Day, so I thought for sure it was food poisoning. But 2 days after feeling that way, it went away on it’s own without vomiting, so I thought something was up. I took a pregnancy test and immediately it was positive. I was ecstatic and couldn’t believe it happened so fast! This was how it was with my first pregnancy- the one that miscarried- I got pregnant within 1 month of trying. After the miscarriage  it took me almost 2 years to get pregnant with my daughter.

Now, because my menstrual cycle is FUBAR (f*ed up beyond all recognition), I knew there would be a problem with dating this pregnancy. Since having my daughter, I’ve only had 4 periods because I breastfed, and they were all wide apart: 35 days apart, 39 days, 40 days, and the last period I had on March 31st was a whopping 49 days from the period before that. They say “normal” is around 28/30 days apart. Not so for me. Well my first prenatal appointment was today, and I explained about my irregular periods and that I didn’t know how they would date it. They used the March 31st date anyway, and said that that would mean I’d be about 8 weeks now (if I had a normal cycle). They then did a vaginal ultrasound, and it showed there was only a gestational sac and yolk sac so far. The doctor (who I love), told me not to worry because it’s probably still too early since my cycle is weird, and that he remembers my history, so he knows I’m scared. This is how my miscarriage happened the first time–they did the ultrasound and only saw a sac, so I had to have lots of bloodwork done over the week and a few ultrasounds, and they determined that I was not progressing so they told me it was a miscarriage and I had to get a D&C (Dilation and Curettage). My stomach is in knots now. I really didn’t think it was possible for this to happen again. A few weeks ago someone in my Mom’s Group told me a story of how her son was almost “aborted” so to speak, because they told her there was only a sac and no heartbeat/baby, and on the day of her D&C surgery, they did one last ultrasound to make sure nothing grew, and sure enough, there was a heartbeat. So her son wouldn’t be here today if they didn’t do that 2nd ultrasound. They dated her wrong. That story gives me hope that it’s probably just too early, and that even if there isn’t a heartbeat next week when I have to go back to the doctor, I’ll just tell them I’m going to wait for everything to play out naturally instead of getting a D&C. Maybe it will make a difference. Two days from now (Thursday) I have to get my bloodwork taken to see if my hormone levels doubled, and I also have to schedule a dating ultrasound at this place that has a good machine. Then I have another appointment with the OBGYN next Thursday. I’m not sure when I’m supposed to schedule the ultrasound for though…I’ll find that out tomorrow. Wish me luck. I’m terrified.

I got notified at the beginning of the week that my 15-month old daughter’s picture was selected as a Weekly Reader’s Choice Finalist to be on the cover of Parent’s Magazine. I was really excited because it’s an adorable picture. I read in the rules that one of the criteria they are looking for is to see your child’s personality. Well, “the Diva” definitely has that! I submitted a picture of her in a sassy outfit with a hot pink, ruffled, bedazzled skirt and a ruffled black t-shirt that says “My mom rocks” in rhinestones. She’s sticking her tongue out and has a pink bow. Very cute. Well, it turns out that there are lots of weekly finalists, and to see who moves on to the Semi-Finals you have to get everyone you know to vote for your picture daily, for a week. I don’t know 100’s of people, and many of the people I know who WOULD vote are computer illiterate, so they wouldn’t know to enter in the security word that confirms your vote is entered. Therefore, she’s dropped from #37 at the beginning of the week to #222 today. I hate entering contests that become more of a popularity contest than quality (or that allow cheaters who use computer scripts that will vote repeatedly by deleting your computer cookies). Seriously, some of these kids currently in the top 20 have terrible pictures–and I’m not just being mean or jealous. I mean the actual pictures themselves are horrible quality, like they were taken with a grainy cell phone, or the child’s face is blurry, etc. I’ve decided I’m not entering any more contests if I know there is a public vote in the early stages. What a scam. Well, in case I suddenly get crazy amounts of readers, you can vote for my daughter here, and be sure to enter in the security phrase afterwards or the vote doesn’t count. Thank you!   http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/282007

Well, the Diva still isn’t walking yet. She’s 14 months old now, almost 15, and a week ago she actually let go by herself and took 6 or 7 steps, but now we’re back to just maybe 2 steps, if I let go of her hands. She can stand on her own for a good amount of time before toppling over though. It’s a little inconvenient that she’s not walking yet, because she’s REALLY heavy. I don’t know her exact weight (we go to the doctor next week), but I think when I checked a month or 2 ago she was 26 pounds. So my back is killing me from carrying her everywhere. I’m still calling her a baby until she walks. Once she walks, then I’ll call her a toddler. Towards the end of 13 months old, she started to blow kisses which is adorable. Around the same time, I dropped her to just one nursing session a day- right when she wakes up in the morning. And I’m very proud to say that 3 days ago, I weaned her for good! I was waiting for a good day to do it, and the other day she actually woke up in a good mood without screaming, so I figured it was the perfect time. I distracted her with some books, and she actually forgot about nursing. The next day I wasn’t so lucky. She had a major FIT. She screamed these really intense guttural sounds, kind of like she was growling, for a good 15 minutes straight, and she kept bucking around while lying on her back. I tried giving her a cup of milk and reading her a book, but she just pushed them away. Finally when she lost some steam, she sat there quietly and listened to me read to her and drank her milk. Today she woke up happy again and seemed to forget all about nursing, so YAY!

One of my favorite things she started doing at 14 months old was pointing out most of her body parts when asked: head, nose, ears, eyes, mouth, lips, hair, fingers, thumb, hand, arms, feet, legs, toes, back, and my favorites–belly button and tongue. Nothing cuter than her sticking her tongue out and going “mmmm” to show me. Yeah, that will get old when she’s a bratty little 7 year old sticking her tongue out at me and I scold her for it. Haha. She seems to understand a lot of words, but in terms of saying them, “ba” is a ball and a balloon. “Da” is dad, duck, and dog. That’s about it. But if I say a word, she usually can point it out.

She still loves music and will push buttons on her musical toys and will sway from side to side and clap her hands when she hears it. She’ll also start dancing in her car seat when she hears music. She is now tall enough to reach the keys on my piano, so I leave it open so she can walk over (technically, creep over) and play whenever she wants. She always gets a big smile when she realizes that she’s the one making the noises on the piano.

A few months ago I joined a Young Mom’s Group, and I really love it. It’s so nice to get advice, support, and adult company every now and then. Plus, I think it really helped my daughter with the separation anxiety she had in the past. She loves seeing other kids now and even if I’m taking her for a walk in the stroller, if she sees another child pass us, she’ll start waving and smiling at them. Overall she plays really well with the other kids. Sometimes she’ll hit instead of just touching, so we’re working on “gentle.” She’ll do “gentle” for a second and then back to hitting. In time, right?