So I was at 3 cms and the contractions were coming super fast and super strong. But they were coming so fast that I barely had time to breathe in between them, and this was without inducing medicine. I remember gripping the handles on the bed for dear life during them, and the nurses and doctor kept asking me if I wanted any pain medicine, but I kept saying no. I wanted to do this the natural way. The pain was the worst in my lower back, so I knew right away that my baby was in the posterior, “sunny side up position,” facing towards my belly instead of my back. Until that point, I never understood the whole back labor thing and how women said it was so bad. Well now I understood–it’s not just back pain…it’s like deep spinal pain, like someone pinching your spinal nerves with their fingers, along with the intense cramping pain you feel in your uterus at the same time. The doctor kept checking me and I noticed that she was kind of talking under her breath to the nurses in the room. At that point I suddenly remembered the stuff I learned in Childbirth Prep class, and I asked if I could sit up in the rocking chair instead of on my back in bed. The doctor said that I really shouldn’t. I was a little confused as to why, so when she left I asked the nurse why I couldn’t sit up in the chair. She said that I’m bleeding “a little more than normal.”  Um, ok. About 15 minutes later the contractions were even stronger then before, and this is the point where my labor started to rival scenes from the movie, “The Exorcist.” (Just a warning that if you’re pregnant you may not want to read this. I seriously had the labor & delivery from hell, and I don’t want to scare anyone who’s nervous to begin with. My situation was not normal.)  

I started to feel really nauseous and with each contraction the nauseousness would get really strong. The nurse said that this was a good thing and that it meant my body was getting ready for labor. So she gave me the puke bucket and I vomited. But then the contractions were coming really fast, and at some point my whole body let loose and for each strong contraction I had fluid coming out of every orifice possible (well, maybe not my ears, but everywhere else). Vomit, snot, amniotic fluid, blood, and yes the dreaded one that us women fear more than labor itself: poop. And even though I was always fearful that I may be one of those women who it happened to, when I actually did it I totally didn’t care. I was more focused on trying to breathe because I felt horrible. The nurse said that I was still bleeding a lot with each contraction, so I asked if it was ok if I got up to use the bathroom because I had to go-again. She said I could. So as I’m walking to the bathroom I get a glimpse of what the doctor/nurses were talking about. In my 7 steps to the bathroom I left a huge path of blood–it was like a horror film. All I kept thinking was that in my Childbirth Prep class they said that you don’t actually bleed that much during childbirth. Well then what was going on with me?? That’s when I started to get nervous. And I totally forgot all about the bag I brought with me that had all my “natural birth prep” items in it, like lotion and relaxing pics. I did take my ipod out at one point, but the doctor kept coming in so frequently and I wanted to hear what she was saying, so it was a lost cause. Finally, with all the fluids being lost with every contraction and the intense pain I was in, I gave up and asked for the epidural. I had made it to 6 cms, and I felt really defeated asking for the epi, but I felt drained beyond anything. It took the guy an HOUR to get to my room, which in my mind served me right for caving in and asking for it (yes, I’m actually still bitter about not having the willpower to go natural). I didn’t feel a thing while getting the epidural. And within 10 minutes I was in heaven. No pain whatsoever.

I got to 8 cms and the dr said that the baby’s heartbeat wasn’t going up during my contractions anymore (just staying the same), which is a bad thing. I had also developed a fever. This was exactly why I wanted a natural birth. I knew that the drugs affect the baby negatively. She said that unless I made it to 10 cms within the next hour I would need a C-section for two reasons: 1. She wasn’t sure that the baby could handle the pushing stage because of being stressed, and 2. I was bleeding so heavily that there was a chance I had a partial placental abruption (so THIS is why no one was saying anything earlier. They didn’t want to scare me). I only made it to 9 cms within the next hour so I had to have the C-section. Because of my high fever (104), I was a little out of it during the procedure, but I remember shaking uncontrollably from the chills, and I remember being a little nauseous. I also remember the intense pushing on my belly to get the baby out. The dr asked the anesthesiologist to give me some muscle relaxer because she couldn’t pull the baby out of my “tight ab muscles.” All those sit-ups I did at the gym to help for pushing actually turned against me!! Then I heard “it’s a girl!” and LOUD crying and I was one happy mama.

My baby was beautiful and NOTHING like the scary 4D ultrasound, so I was very thankful about that. 8 pounds, 9 ounces. I wanted to breastfeed right away, but they didn’t want to let me because they were afraid that my high fever was some kind of infection. Finally, they called the pediatrician who said I could breastfeed (I was angry because it was obvious to me that I got the fever from the epidural..I wasn’t sick when I first went to the hospital). The baby latched on right away. I was in recovery for about 4 hours, and then I was finally able to go to a room. I had gone into my labor wanting an all-natural, peaceful experience. I had gotten exactly the opposite, but all that was important to me at that moment was that my baby was healthy and I’m very thankful for that. At the beginning of my pregnancy my hospital was looking for people who wanted to be on the show, “A Baby Story” to have their delivery filmed. Thankfully I didn’t sign up because that would have been one horrific episode!

A few days after I found out that my baby was breech, I had my final Childbirth Preparation Class. I felt a little defeated going into the class since I had spent the last 4 weeks psyching myself up for natural childbirth and practicing my Lamaze techniques, squats, etc. Ironically, the beginning of the lesson was about unplanned issues during labor & delivery and how we always have to be ready to “flip our cards” of what we expect or want. They briefly talked about Breech presentations and asked if anyone knew if their baby was currently breech, so I raised my hand. The instructor could tell I was disappointed, and she tried to make me feel better by telling me more about laboring positions that can sometimes help turn the baby during delivery. I didn’t want to stay breech up until delivery though…I was hoping to flip my baby around before that point.

The second half of the class covered the topic that all Middle School and High School students dread most in Health class: the delivery video. Only this was worse because back then you just said to yourself you’re NEVER having kids. Now the issue becomes real and you know you’re indeed having a baby and that everything you see in that video might just happen to you. Yes I did want my delivery to be natural (which was the case for a few women in the video), but what made watching it unbearable wasn’t the look of pain on their faces, or the graphic nature of the video…..it was watching the video WITH my husband. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed. There were about 10 other couples in the class, and only my husband was the one to squeal like a little girl, gasp loudly, make jerky movements, and physically cover his eyes with his hands. You would have thought we WERE in Middle School. The rest of the class couldn’t stop laughing at him. There was even a point when he kept repeating like a chant, “omg, omg, omg,” and he stood up and paced around his chair! Ah..I remember thinking that if this is foreshadowing to what the big day was going to be like, then I was in trouble. What a good coach, huh?

My husband and I began taking Childbirth Preparation classes, aka Lamaze, which were once a week for 4 weeks. I didn’t know much about what to expect from labor except for pain, so I felt this class was pretty important to educate myself so that I’d be better prepared. On the first day of class they asked how many of us wanted a natural, drug-free, labor- I didn’t raise my hand. I didn’t know what I wanted at the time and that was part of the reason I took the class. The first class involved a lot of physical stuff like stretching and the breathing exercises that you see all the time. They also showed us different labor positions you could do, some of which are better for back pain, to speed up labor, to slow down labor, to turn a baby, etc. The second class was about our expectations about childbirth. We had to play this game, kind of like the Newleywed Game, where you see how you and the baby’s dad’s answers matched up.  One of the questions asked what would be the first song that mom sings to the baby. My husband got this correct- “Dizzy” by Ours. It’s not a baby-related song at all, depressing actually, but the music from it kind of sounds like a lullaby. Another question asked how long mom would be in labor. My husband said Two Hours. The instructors cracked up. Oh, did he have a lot to learn! 

 The class also started to talk about the different medications that are used for pain relief, inductions, and emergencies. THIS was an eye-opening class for me. I had no idea all the side effects that these drugs could cause, and how they can affect the baby during the process. I was especially concerned about the ever-so-popular labor inducing drug, Pitocin, or as I like to call it, “the Devil drug.”  I personally know at least 4 women who have been induced, only to wind up needing a C-section because of the baby’s heart rate dropping from the drug. No thank you. If I could control or prevent the chance of something bad happening to the baby, you bet I would do everything in my power to prevent it. By the time the class was over, I was convinced that I was going to have a Natural Labor. No epidural, no pain relief drugs, just breathing, meditating, focusing, and of course music. My friends laughed at me, my family didn’t understand me, and they both didn’t believe me. I’m a very headstrong person, so the fact that I felt like I was being mocked made me even more determined to have a natural birth. Who are these people to judge me? Who are they to say I can’t take the pain? I have always had a very high pain tolerance. I think it may have happened from years of dealing with severe migraines since I was 14. They would be horrible and I couldn’t open my eyes or walk when I had one, but eventually I got to the point where I hated having to depend on medicine to make me feel better, so I just stopped taking them. It was agonizing, but it made me feel like a stronger person. This is horrible, but I think it made me also start to view people who needed pain medicine as “weak,”  and this now included needing drugs for childbirth. So people laughing in my face and telling me there was no way I could go drug-free during labor pissed me off royally. Game’s on.