Well, the Diva still isn’t walking yet. She’s 14 months old now, almost 15, and a week ago she actually let go by herself and took 6 or 7 steps, but now we’re back to just maybe 2 steps, if I let go of her hands. She can stand on her own for a good amount of time before toppling over though. It’s a little inconvenient that she’s not walking yet, because she’s REALLY heavy. I don’t know her exact weight (we go to the doctor next week), but I think when I checked a month or 2 ago she was 26 pounds. So my back is killing me from carrying her everywhere. I’m still calling her a baby until she walks. Once she walks, then I’ll call her a toddler. Towards the end of 13 months old, she started to blow kisses which is adorable. Around the same time, I dropped her to just one nursing session a day- right when she wakes up in the morning. And I’m very proud to say that 3 days ago, I weaned her for good! I was waiting for a good day to do it, and the other day she actually woke up in a good mood without screaming, so I figured it was the perfect time. I distracted her with some books, and she actually forgot about nursing. The next day I wasn’t so lucky. She had a major FIT. She screamed these really intense guttural sounds, kind of like she was growling, for a good 15 minutes straight, and she kept bucking around while lying on her back. I tried giving her a cup of milk and reading her a book, but she just pushed them away. Finally when she lost some steam, she sat there quietly and listened to me read to her and drank her milk. Today she woke up happy again and seemed to forget all about nursing, so YAY!

One of my favorite things she started doing at 14 months old was pointing out most of her body parts when asked: head, nose, ears, eyes, mouth, lips, hair, fingers, thumb, hand, arms, feet, legs, toes, back, and my favorites–belly button and tongue. Nothing cuter than her sticking her tongue out and going “mmmm” to show me. Yeah, that will get old when she’s a bratty little 7 year old sticking her tongue out at me and I scold her for it. Haha. She seems to understand a lot of words, but in terms of saying them, “ba” is a ball and a balloon. “Da” is dad, duck, and dog. That’s about it. But if I say a word, she usually can point it out.

She still loves music and will push buttons on her musical toys and will sway from side to side and clap her hands when she hears it. She’ll also start dancing in her car seat when she hears music. She is now tall enough to reach the keys on my piano, so I leave it open so she can walk over (technically, creep over) and play whenever she wants. She always gets a big smile when she realizes that she’s the one making the noises on the piano.

A few months ago I joined a Young Mom’s Group, and I really love it. It’s so nice to get advice, support, and adult company every now and then. Plus, I think it really helped my daughter with the separation anxiety she had in the past. She loves seeing other kids now and even if I’m taking her for a walk in the stroller, if she sees another child pass us, she’ll start waving and smiling at them. Overall she plays really well with the other kids. Sometimes she’ll hit instead of just touching, so we’re working on “gentle.” She’ll do “gentle” for a second and then back to hitting. In time, right?

At nine months old, my daughter developed very strong stranger/separation anxiety from me. It wasn’t bad when I put her down for naps or bedtime, but it was impossible to deal with if I wanted to hand her off to someone else, like either of her grandmothers (and she liked both grandmothers). If I wasn’t in the room and they held her, she was fine. But if she saw me in the corner of her eye or if I just came home from being out, she would suddenly scream and reach for me, with full tears and pure hysteria. This made it really hard at Thanksgiving because relatives wanted to hold her, but she just wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t feel like dealing with the screaming, so I just held her the entire time..and my girl weighs just about 24 pounds. (This is why I weigh less now than before I was pregnant.)

She still isn’t crawling or pulling herself up, but she can drag herself on her belly, using just her arms. Good thing we have hardwood floors in the entire house. Maybe that’s why she isn’t crawling? Hurts her knees? Who knows. She started to clap, which is so adorable to see. Along with her nursery songs, I like to sing and clap to modern rock/alternative rock songs, and she follows my lead and claps also. Nothing like seeing a 9 month old baby girl with pudgy cheeks clapping to Muse’s “Hysteria” from the Absolution album. Priceless.

I’m still nursing her 4 times a day, and after 9 1/2 months of breastfeeding, my period came back. Lucky me. I was wondering when it was gonna show up again. When I first had my daughter, my intention was to become a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) for a year, and then look for a job again. Now that she’s almost a year old, I’m not ready to put her into daycare with people I don’t know, and miss all her 1st milestones, especially because she’s a little late with a few. If I had a family member that could watch her all the time, I’d happily go get a job, but I don’t want to leave her with strangers, at least not quite yet. I have to sit down and look at the financial issues also and weigh the costs of daycare,  not working, and paying for private health insurance (which is what I do now). Sometimes I feel like I do want to work again because I miss having the extra money, and I miss having a life. Yes, I’m a mom now, which is a life, but I miss parts of my old life, like feeling successful and productive, and going out with the girls after work for a margarita every now and then. Maybe that day will come again, like when my daughter is older and I don’t have to be home right away, but when that time comes I might have another baby at home by then. -SIGH- Do you ever wish that sometimes someone would just make up your mind for you because making decisions can be so stressful.