I had a doctor’s appointment when I was 39 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me I was only dilated 1-2 cms, and he was going to strip my membranes and try to stretch my cervix to jump start labor since he knew I wanted a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean)- I had that done with my first daughter, even though it didn’t help start labor then. The doctor this time didn’t make me bleed from stripping my membranes, but it was really uncomfortable and hurt a bit (not bad though). That night I started doing acupressure on myself on key points that are supposed to help induce labor (on the ankle and on the hand). It’s supposed to work within 48 hours. Well, the next evening in the middle of the night I started getting some mild cramping, which is like menstrual cramps. The next morning at 8am I started getting contractions, and as with my first daughter, they were immediately 1.5 minutes apart, but only lasted 20-30 seconds. I wanted to stay home as long as possible, so I didn’t go to the hospital until around 4pm, which is when I couldn’t talk through the contractions any longer.

The hospital told me I was 3-4 cms dilated at that point, and I was a little disappointed because I was hoping to be further along. As the contractions got stronger, in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I hope they don’t cause my c-section uterine scar to rupture. Then the pain got so bad that I forgot all about the chance of rupture and just wanted each contraction to be over with. I eventually couldn’t take it any longer and got the epidural at 6-7 cms dilated. One of the reasons I didn’t want an epidural was because I didn’t want it to lead to another c-section, which is common. But this time it was different: no complications! The baby’s heart rate was good the entire time, I kept dilating, my contractions stayed consistent, and I wasn’t bleeding excessively. Yay! I started to feel contractions again and was worried that my epidural was fading. That was when the nurse said that I reached 10 cms and could start pushing. I had heard from people that even with an epidural you can still feel the pushing and “ring of fire” from the baby being delivered. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for me. The contraction pain actually went away as I was pushing, so I was more than happy to keep pushing. They didn’t have to turn down my epidural because they said my pushing was very effective and I had strong abs. I felt the baby moving down and could feel her head. The entire time I had my ipod going, and the doctor said that the baby was coming so I should pick a song I like for the baby to be born to. haha. I did a few last minute pushes to “Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson and the baby was pushed out to “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama. The total pushing stage was an hour and a half, but it only felt like maybe 15 minutes. The doctor said I did tear in 2 places and stitched me up.

My daughter was covered in vernix and crying loudly, and I was one proud mama. I had a VBAC! I can’t describe the feeling of pushing her out, except that it felt awesome, even though that sounds weird. I was just happy it didn’t hurt. My husband said that it was probably the coolest thing he’s ever seen. She was 8 lbs and 3 oz- a little smaller than my 1st daughter who was 8 lbs, 9 oz (and 2 weeks late).

So, 48 hours after doing the acupressure on myself, I had my baby 3 days before my due date at 11:25 pm- 15.5 hours of labor. It could have been the acupuncture; it could have been the stripping of the membranes/stretching of the cervix; or it could have been just nature. Either way, I was thrilled that I had a successful VBAC and would recommend it to others.

So far this pregnancy is similar to my last pregnancy, which was almost 2 years ago:  I’m 38 weeks pregnant (just about 39 weeks) and I’ve never experienced Braxton Hicks contractions ever, no contractions (with my 1st I didn’t have one contraction until I was in full-on labor), and my cervix is currently sealed up at a zero- sorry if that’s TMI. This worries me because my 1st daughter was 2 weeks late before I kind of broke my own water on accident, causing me to go into labor. I winded up needing a C-section in the end of that whole bloody mess (you can read about that towards the beginning of my blog posts). I’m attempting a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) this time around because I’m lucky to have a hospital that does them, and I really really want a successful VBAC. However, their rule is that if I’m more than 1 week late, they’ll have to do a C-section because they will not induce for a VBAC (which I agree with 100%).

At my appointment yesterday, the doctor said that he thinks this baby will be big also (my first was 8.9 oz at 2 weeks late), so that worries me a little since the longer I go, the bigger the baby will get. I know their estimates aren’t reliable since they told me my 1st daughter would be a small 7-pounder, but still. The idea of pushing out a 9+ baby with a C-section uterine scar makes me a little nervous, but I think my body can handle it. I’m going to try to go natural with no meds again since that should make the process faster and safer. I just wish I would get some sign of labor- even if it’s just 1 tiny contraction or dilating to 1 or 2 cms. I already exercise a lot and do the other stuff they say to induce naturally. When I know for sure we’re not getting a snowstorm tomorrow (I’ll need my mom to come here to watch my daughter if I go into labor and she’s an hour away) I think I’ll start with the acupressure points. Wish me luck!

Today I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. My due date is January 16th, and I’m starting to get anxious. Actually I’ve been very anxious for the last 2 months. Not the kind of anxious where I can’t wait for it to happen and for me to be home with the new baby. I’m the kind of anxious where I just want to keep her inside until everything in my life is just “perfect” and organized, and then I’ll be ready for her to come. Of course that will never happen, and I can’t be pregnant forever, so I have to face my Type A personality and try to relax a little bit. Last night we finally took down all the size 0-3 months clothes from the attic, and they’re now in the baby’s dresser. We also took down the infant car seats and have to put them in our cars, along with moving my 22-month old’s car seat over. At least I feel like I have a few things accomplished.

With my first daughter (The Diva), I had to have a C-section after getting to 9 cms because they thought I might have had a partial placental abruption. I was bleeding too much and even at only 3 cms my body was heaving everywhere with non-stop contractions, and I’m told it feels equivalent to being at “transition” phase, which you normally don’t get until towards the end. I had my heart set on a natural, no pain medicine birth, but I caved at 7 cms when I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. As I expected it slowed down the progression of the labor, and eventually when I was getting contractions, my daughter’s heart rate wasn’t going up as it should. So all those factors lead to the C-section, which I was very upset about. My recovery was easy and not really painful at all, but it was the fact that I had my heart set on a regular, natural birth that made it so disappointing.

My hospital is one of the few that performs VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). They’ve told me that not a lot of people attempt them, but they do them. If a person meets the criteria, then they can attempt a VBAC, but they do have certain rules for safety reasons. One rule is that they don’t induce since the Pitocin medicine gives you stronger contractions than the natural body does, and they don’t want to increase the chance of having your uterus rupture at the C-section scar. Another rule for VBACs is that they don’t let you go more than 41 weeks, and at that point they will do a C-section. In 3 days I have an appointment with the head doctor of the department, so I”m going to ask him all my VBAC questions. I have some weird ones, like should I be afraid to push too hard because of the scar ripping open. I have to admit that I am a little nervous–I don’t want me or my baby to die if my uterus ruptures and they can’t get me into surgery fast enough, but I also don’t want a 2nd C-section. There are also risks involved with 2nd C-sections, but nobody every talks about those. Plus, I have a daughter who will be 2 in February, and I can’t imagine not being able to lift her up for EIGHT weeks, which is the normal recovery time for a C-section. It’s impossible. I have to get her in her high chair, car seat, etc, and I’m home by myself most of the time. I shouldn’t even be really worrying though, because knowing my luck, I’ll be a week late anyway (my daughter was 2-weeks late), and I won’t have the choice of having a VBAC at that point. I’d love to hear if anyone has any successful VBAC stories, and if you did it with or without an epidural. I’m going to try again for no epidural, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself this time if I can’t follow through.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and had my amniocentesis performed today to see if the baby has Down’s Syndrome. It’s going to take up to 2 weeks for the results, but a good sign is that there were no visible “markers” on the ultrasound showing deformities that may occur when a baby has Down’s. Plus, they also reaffirmed that my ratio from the blood screening is only slightly within the “higher chance” level, so the chances are about 1 percent (1: 235). I think I was more scared today about the risk of miscarriage from the amnio itself. The actual procedure didn’t hurt at all. I’ve had worse experiences with techs at the blood lab drawing blood from my arm. It feels like a pin prick, like you get when you have blood taken or have an IV put in your arm, but you only feel that on the outside of your skin. The doctor then goes through your muscle & fat layers, and that just feels weird (deep), but not painful. He did say I may feel mild cramping when he hit the uterus (like period cramps), but I barely felt anything. Since the doctor was viewing an ultrasound at the same time, he waited to push through to the amniotic sac because the baby decided to move its hand right where he was going to prick. I think it took about 2-3 full minutes for the baby to finally move its hand, (they jiggled my belly so it would move), so the doctor then pushed through and took out about 4 tablespoons of amniotic fluid. The baby then decided that it wanted to touch the foreign object in its environment, so it moved its hand over towards the needle (while I held my breath!). But the doctor said that it would only touch the side of the needle, not the pointy part. And I guess it didn’t touch the pointy part because it didn’t jerk away. Curious little baby I guess. The tech said it’s a girl, and I was thrilled about that because I have so many beautiful clothes that my 18 month old daughter barely got to wear. I think my husband is a tad disappointed, but oh well. When the doctor pulled the needle out, I could feel the needle going through all the layers of tissue, and that felt creepy. Then they had me lay there for about 5 minutes and told me to rest for the next 24-48 hours. No lifting, strenuous activity, sex, etc.

They said you can spot blood or amniotic fluid and/or feel mild cramping for the next day or 2. It’s been 9 hours so far, and I haven’t had any spotting/leaking thankfully, but I get very mild cramping when I stand or walk. So I’ve been laying down or sitting all day. My husband stayed home from work and my mom is coming over tomorrow to help me with my daughter (lifting her up, etc). The doctor said that usually if a miscarriage is going to happen, it happens within the first 2-3 days of the amnio, but usually the 1st day. After that, the other concern is infection from the needle, which can happen within 2 weeks. I’ll just keep focusing on positive, happy thoughts, so I can have a healthy little girl.

I’m 15 weeks along in my pregnancy now. I’m feeling good: no more nausea and not too tired. I do get shortness of breath sometimes, but it’s dealable. I’m still stuck with the current house, but I think I’m close to talking my husband into moving his big office to the smallest bedroom in the house, so that I can move my daughter into that room, and the future baby will go into my daughter’s current room. We’ll still be seriously short on closet space, but oh well. It could be a lot worse.

Lately, I’ve been wondering how exactly I’m going to manage a newborn with a 23-month old running around. Specifically, nursing. I know with “the Diva,” she nursed for like 45 minutes in the beginning, and then I had to start all over in 30-45 minutes. I was a constant feeding machine. How am I going to run around and chase my daughter and make sure she’s not getting into trouble while trying to nurse the newborn? I’m also trying to figure out the “gear” now. I think I’m going to use my daughter’s current crib for the baby (after a few months in a bassinet), and then I’ll have to move my daughter into a twin bed with rails. I didn’t want to do it at 23 months, but it just makes the most sense. And then potty training will probably have to start around then also. I really hate having all these changes for my daughter at once: new baby, new room, new bed, potty training. I worry that she’s going to feel like she was kicked out into the cold. She has sooo much attention from me now, and she’s definitely a “mama’s girl.”

As for music, my daughter LOVES it. She dances and claps whenever she hears music. Today I was playing a dvd of Jimmy Gnecco’s video “Mystery,” on the computer and she noticed and started swaying back and forth. Speaking of Jimmy/Ours, his new record label, Bright Antenna, has been streaming chat sessions with Jimmy, and they’re awesome! In fact, right now I’m watching a live concert of him playing at the Brooklyn Bowl show. I’m really loving the things this small label has been doing for him. It’s really a shame that the large labels he was with in the past didn’t give him the advertising or backing that he’s worth. At least he’s doing everything on his own terms now. And I mean everything- vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, producing, etc. I’m loving his solo album, “The Heart.” A big portion of the album was dedicated and/or influenced by the passing of his mom from lung cancer last year. I think the reason the album hits me so hard is because my dad was going through lung cancer the same time as his mom was, and they both died in November 2009. In a live recording from a past show, he talks about the meaning of the song “Bring You Home,” and how part of it is about putting his mom in the hospital even though she didn’t want to go. And how he wish he could bring her home, regardless of what the right thing to do is. I understand that struggle 100%. Before my dad was home on hospice, he was in a rehabilitation center for 2 or 3 months where nurses cared for him and tried to get him up and walking because he was so weak from cancer. He hated it there and once said to my mom, “I’m gonna die here aren’t I? They’re never gonna let me go home.” That was so hard to here. So whenever I hear Jimmy’s song, it hits a note. A deep, harmonic minor note.

I got notified at the beginning of the week that my 15-month old daughter’s picture was selected as a Weekly Reader’s Choice Finalist to be on the cover of Parent’s Magazine. I was really excited because it’s an adorable picture. I read in the rules that one of the criteria they are looking for is to see your child’s personality. Well, “the Diva” definitely has that! I submitted a picture of her in a sassy outfit with a hot pink, ruffled, bedazzled skirt and a ruffled black t-shirt that says “My mom rocks” in rhinestones. She’s sticking her tongue out and has a pink bow. Very cute. Well, it turns out that there are lots of weekly finalists, and to see who moves on to the Semi-Finals you have to get everyone you know to vote for your picture daily, for a week. I don’t know 100’s of people, and many of the people I know who WOULD vote are computer illiterate, so they wouldn’t know to enter in the security word that confirms your vote is entered. Therefore, she’s dropped from #37 at the beginning of the week to #222 today. I hate entering contests that become more of a popularity contest than quality (or that allow cheaters who use computer scripts that will vote repeatedly by deleting your computer cookies). Seriously, some of these kids currently in the top 20 have terrible pictures–and I’m not just being mean or jealous. I mean the actual pictures themselves are horrible quality, like they were taken with a grainy cell phone, or the child’s face is blurry, etc. I’ve decided I’m not entering any more contests if I know there is a public vote in the early stages. What a scam. Well, in case I suddenly get crazy amounts of readers, you can vote for my daughter here, and be sure to enter in the security phrase afterwards or the vote doesn’t count. Thank you!   http://photos.parents.com/category/vote/photo/282007

A week ago it was 74 degrees here in NJ in the middle of March, so to celebrate the unseasonably warm weather, we decided to bring The Diva to the beach for the first time. People seem surprised when I tell them that I haven’t brought her to the beach yet, especially because I only live 40 minutes from a few beaches, and my mom is about 10 minutes from Seaside. Last summer when my daughter was 5 months old, she was still really unpredictable and miserable most of the time, and I was afraid to really bring her out anywhere because of it. Plus, she was nursing so often and I’m not one of those women that feels comfortable doing it in public. I know they sell covers and stuff, but with my clumsiness and her fussiness, it would have winded up on the ground anyway. So that’s why it took me so long to bring her. We went to the beach at Belmar since it’s the closest, and we first took her on the playground that’s on the beach. When we first sat her on the sand, she looked confused, and then almost irritated when she touched the sand with her hand. She gave me this look like, “What the F?” But then I picked up some sand in my hand and she watched as I released it and let it fall to the ground. She was soon doing the same, and started squealing and kicking her feet. The best part about this playground is the swings. They have some adult swings along with baby swings, so there’s nothing more relaxing than swinging on a swing while looking out at the ocean. It was beautiful and I felt very carefree for once.

After the playground we went and sat down on the beach, closer to the water, and she immediately looked over at the loud noise that the ocean waves were making. She looked for a few seconds, but then she quickly went back to picking up handfuls of sand and clapping at the same time. This would make the sand fly in her face, but she didn’t seem to mind. We had some lunch, and she decided to grab a handful of sand and put it right in her mouth. I thought she would be really grossed out by the texture, but she didn’t seem too bothered by it. I think I was more disgusted than she was. Good thing I brought plenty of bottled water. The ocean water was too cold to put her feet in, but we stood at the shore line while I held her and pointed out the waves. She smiled and clapped her hands. It will be nice when it’s warmer and she’s able to walk on her own so that we can really enjoy it (she’s currently still creeping). Next time I plan on going to Seaside since my mom is right there anyway. Now I just have to wait until it become 80 degrees!

My daughter’s (The Diva) first birthday party was February 13th, and I think it went well overall. The food wasn’t ready in time because my oven just didn’t feel like getting into gear, the pretzel tray we ordered was late because of a mix up at the place, and while trying to pry off the top on a Sterno, the gel spilled all over the decorative table cloth and my new jeans so I smelled like alcohol/gasoline and had to change my clothes. But besides all that drama, it went well. Haha. The important thing is my daughter was in a good mood for most of it, which is a great thing since she’s almost always moody & fussy.

I knew ahead of time that she didn’t like her birthday hat because the prior week I kept trying it on her head and she’d quickly take it off. So when it was time for the cake/singing, I had someone ready with the camera so that they could snap a picture the second I put the hat on her head. Luckily that worked and I have a few pictures of her with the hat, but it made her mad enough to start crying afterwards, so she cried while everyone sang Happy Birthday. My cousin is a very talented baker/cake decorator, and she made The Diva a small personalized birthday cake, while the rest of us had ice cream cake. I expected The Diva to do the classic “face in the cake,” but she surprised me by delicately using her finger to swipe the icing off one finger at a time. This was her first time having a lot of refined sugar because we never gave her cookies or sweets before. She loved it. (Even though the next morning she had the NASTIEST, smelliest poopy diaper I have ever seen. It was gross and huge. It was like a horse went in her diaper!)

She got a lot of clothes which is great because it’s all Spring clothes which I haven’t bought any of yet, so this is perfect. I think her favorite gift was from my cousin: the Little Tikes Pink Cozy Coupe car, and she even included a mini personalized NJ license plate. At first she screamed about being put in the car by herself, but after everyone left the party she was more calm and we attempted to put her in it again. She loved it this time and we pushed her around in it and she squealed with delight. She’s not quite ready for us to remove the floor board so she can move it Flintstone-Style, so we’re fine with just pushing her around in it.

At the end of the night, I think the party was a success, but I’m seriously considering pizza and subs next year. It was just too much work cooking & trying to time all the food, and the sternos and chafing dishes were just too much of a headache. Next year she’ll probably be old enough to have other kids at the party also, so that would be even more people, which gives me more of an incentive just to get pizza. I can’t believe she’s already 1 year old. I guess she’s not considered an infant anymore, or maybe not even a baby (Is she a toddler now)?  It really is true that the time goes by really fast, so I try to remind myself of that all the time, especially when she’s having a meltdown and I tell myself not to get too stressed about it because soon I may actually be missing her meltdown days. Even though that seems crazy to me now.

My daughter “the diva” is now 11 months old, but she’ll be turning 1 in three days. About a week after she turned 11 months, she started to do a real crawl! I was thrilled because most of the other babies I’ve seen were crawling at like 8 months old. She can’t pull herself fully up to a standing position, but she goes to the tippy tops of her knees and then she get frustrated since she can’t get up any further. Sometimes I give her a little boost and she can pull herself up from that point. She now opens & closes her hands, and can also put her hands on her head. Today I looked in her mouth and the poor thing has 4 molars coming in, and 2 incisor teeth. No wonder she’s been super cranky this week. We go to the doctor for her 1-year checkup/shots ON her birthday. Good thing she won’t know it’s her birthday because I feel bad about her having to get shots then.

As for music, she still loves to sway and sing along when her dad plays guitar for her. It’s funny because my husband and I will harmonize on a song and hold the note, and she will belt out a flat note REALLY loudly and makes us crack up. A few weeks ago I was cleaning the floor, so I decided to play some music to help me deal with the chore. I was playing Nine Inch Nails (NIN) and the song “Hurt” came on. “The Diva” was playing with her toys on a mat, and about 10 seconds after Trent Reznor stars singing, she started humming and then singing really loudly. I was surprised because “Hurt” isn’t the kind of song with a strong beat or rhythm, at least in the beginning, and the vocals aren’t high pitched or upbeat. Then I remembered that this child has been hearing the band Ours and other melancholy music her entire life, so why wouldn’t she respond to that sort of music. Haha.

Since her 1st birthday is on February 8th, we were going to have her very first party this Saturday, the 6th. We never throw parties so this is a big deal. I bought all kinds of decorations, I bought lots of food for cooking & baking, I was going to order a pretzel tray, an ice cream cake, and we were going to have just family over, so we were expecting 17 people. Well, as any of you who live in the North East know, it’s freakin’ snowing out as I type this. Let me rephrase that. It’s a blizzard outside! We’re expecting about 12 inches of snow, and all of the people who were supposed to come to the party live about an hour away, and many of them won’t drive even if it’s only 5 inches of snow. I was going back and forth like crazy yesterday trying to decide if I should cancel it or not, because I never trust the forecasts. But it looks like this is definitely going to be a bad one, so I had to cancel it. I rescheduled it for the following Saturday instead, but because it’s last minute and Valentine’s Day weekend, 4 or 5 of the people can’t come to the party now. I’m annoyed with Mother Nature because I bought all this food to make like 2 big ziti’s among other things, and now I don’t need that much. Plus I’ll probably have to buy new produce since that stuff goes bad so quickly. I also heard that we might get snow next wknd also. If that happens, I’m just going to have her party anyway, and whoever shows up, shows up. Even if it’s just us three and maybe I’ll invite the neighbors to help eat the food. I’m not good with change and love consistency, so whenever this last minute stuff comes up it drives me insane. I feel bad for my little girl, but I know that 1 year olds have no clue what’s going on anyway. Hopefully having snow on her birthday doesn’t become a pattern, like that one little girl I saw in the news who is 3 or 4 years old and has never had a birthday party because EVERY one of them has been canceled due to snow. Poor kid.

At nine months old, my daughter developed very strong stranger/separation anxiety from me. It wasn’t bad when I put her down for naps or bedtime, but it was impossible to deal with if I wanted to hand her off to someone else, like either of her grandmothers (and she liked both grandmothers). If I wasn’t in the room and they held her, she was fine. But if she saw me in the corner of her eye or if I just came home from being out, she would suddenly scream and reach for me, with full tears and pure hysteria. This made it really hard at Thanksgiving because relatives wanted to hold her, but she just wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t feel like dealing with the screaming, so I just held her the entire time..and my girl weighs just about 24 pounds. (This is why I weigh less now than before I was pregnant.)

She still isn’t crawling or pulling herself up, but she can drag herself on her belly, using just her arms. Good thing we have hardwood floors in the entire house. Maybe that’s why she isn’t crawling? Hurts her knees? Who knows. She started to clap, which is so adorable to see. Along with her nursery songs, I like to sing and clap to modern rock/alternative rock songs, and she follows my lead and claps also. Nothing like seeing a 9 month old baby girl with pudgy cheeks clapping to Muse’s “Hysteria” from the Absolution album. Priceless.

I’m still nursing her 4 times a day, and after 9 1/2 months of breastfeeding, my period came back. Lucky me. I was wondering when it was gonna show up again. When I first had my daughter, my intention was to become a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) for a year, and then look for a job again. Now that she’s almost a year old, I’m not ready to put her into daycare with people I don’t know, and miss all her 1st milestones, especially because she’s a little late with a few. If I had a family member that could watch her all the time, I’d happily go get a job, but I don’t want to leave her with strangers, at least not quite yet. I have to sit down and look at the financial issues also and weigh the costs of daycare,  not working, and paying for private health insurance (which is what I do now). Sometimes I feel like I do want to work again because I miss having the extra money, and I miss having a life. Yes, I’m a mom now, which is a life, but I miss parts of my old life, like feeling successful and productive, and going out with the girls after work for a margarita every now and then. Maybe that day will come again, like when my daughter is older and I don’t have to be home right away, but when that time comes I might have another baby at home by then. -SIGH- Do you ever wish that sometimes someone would just make up your mind for you because making decisions can be so stressful.