At nine months old, my daughter developed very strong stranger/separation anxiety from me. It wasn’t bad when I put her down for naps or bedtime, but it was impossible to deal with if I wanted to hand her off to someone else, like either of her grandmothers (and she liked both grandmothers). If I wasn’t in the room and they held her, she was fine. But if she saw me in the corner of her eye or if I just came home from being out, she would suddenly scream and reach for me, with full tears and pure hysteria. This made it really hard at Thanksgiving because relatives wanted to hold her, but she just wasn’t having any of it. I didn’t feel like dealing with the screaming, so I just held her the entire time..and my girl weighs just about 24 pounds. (This is why I weigh less now than before I was pregnant.)

She still isn’t crawling or pulling herself up, but she can drag herself on her belly, using just her arms. Good thing we have hardwood floors in the entire house. Maybe that’s why she isn’t crawling? Hurts her knees? Who knows. She started to clap, which is so adorable to see. Along with her nursery songs, I like to sing and clap to modern rock/alternative rock songs, and she follows my lead and claps also. Nothing like seeing a 9 month old baby girl with pudgy cheeks clapping to Muse’s “Hysteria” from the Absolution album. Priceless.

I’m still nursing her 4 times a day, and after 9 1/2 months of breastfeeding, my period came back. Lucky me. I was wondering when it was gonna show up again. When I first had my daughter, my intention was to become a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) for a year, and then look for a job again. Now that she’s almost a year old, I’m not ready to put her into daycare with people I don’t know, and miss all her 1st milestones, especially because she’s a little late with a few. If I had a family member that could watch her all the time, I’d happily go get a job, but I don’t want to leave her with strangers, at least not quite yet. I have to sit down and look at the financial issues also and weigh the costs of daycare,  not working, and paying for private health insurance (which is what I do now). Sometimes I feel like I do want to work again because I miss having the extra money, and I miss having a life. Yes, I’m a mom now, which is a life, but I miss parts of my old life, like feeling successful and productive, and going out with the girls after work for a margarita every now and then. Maybe that day will come again, like when my daughter is older and I don’t have to be home right away, but when that time comes I might have another baby at home by then. -SIGH- Do you ever wish that sometimes someone would just make up your mind for you because making decisions can be so stressful.

Live concert Ed Kowalczyk

From that experience, it was around this time that I became aware of the connection that the music I listen to can have on the baby. I was psyched! You always hear about how babies love classical music, instrumental music, soft music, etc., but what about modern rock music? Why does it always have to be Bach over Radiohead? Mozart over Muse? Beethoven over Nine Inch Nails? I do like the classics, but I wanted my baby to hear some drums also! From that point on, I decided I would start exposing the baby to “my” music right away, in utero, instead of waiting until it was born. So at 5 months my husband started to play acoustic guitar and sing to my belly all the time. I would also play acoustic guitar and piano as loudly as I could. I’m no where near as good on guitar as my husband, but I don’t think the baby knows chords yet, so it didn’t matter. Haha. Whenever I was in my car I would turn the radio up very loud so the baby could hear it. And I was still going to concerts. I hardly even looked pregnant and I felt great (none of those horrible pregnancy symptoms yet that women can get), so why not? The only change at shows was I became more aware of my surroundings so that I wasn’t in a place where I could get shoved or squished, and I always carried a bottle of water. Who says you can’t do much while pregnant? Ha!