I had a doctor’s appointment when I was 39 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me I was only dilated 1-2 cms, and he was going to strip my membranes and try to stretch my cervix to jump start labor since he knew I wanted a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean)- I had that done with my first daughter, even though it didn’t help start labor then. The doctor this time didn’t make me bleed from stripping my membranes, but it was really uncomfortable and hurt a bit (not bad though). That night I started doing acupressure on myself on key points that are supposed to help induce labor (on the ankle and on the hand). It’s supposed to work within 48 hours. Well, the next evening in the middle of the night I started getting some mild cramping, which is like menstrual cramps. The next morning at 8am I started getting contractions, and as with my first daughter, they were immediately 1.5 minutes apart, but only lasted 20-30 seconds. I wanted to stay home as long as possible, so I didn’t go to the hospital until around 4pm, which is when I couldn’t talk through the contractions any longer.

The hospital told me I was 3-4 cms dilated at that point, and I was a little disappointed because I was hoping to be further along. As the contractions got stronger, in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I hope they don’t cause my c-section uterine scar to rupture. Then the pain got so bad that I forgot all about the chance of rupture and just wanted each contraction to be over with. I eventually couldn’t take it any longer and got the epidural at 6-7 cms dilated. One of the reasons I didn’t want an epidural was because I didn’t want it to lead to another c-section, which is common. But this time it was different: no complications! The baby’s heart rate was good the entire time, I kept dilating, my contractions stayed consistent, and I wasn’t bleeding excessively. Yay! I started to feel contractions again and was worried that my epidural was fading. That was when the nurse said that I reached 10 cms and could start pushing. I had heard from people that even with an epidural you can still feel the pushing and “ring of fire” from the baby being delivered. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for me. The contraction pain actually went away as I was pushing, so I was more than happy to keep pushing. They didn’t have to turn down my epidural because they said my pushing was very effective and I had strong abs. I felt the baby moving down and could feel her head. The entire time I had my ipod going, and the doctor said that the baby was coming so I should pick a song I like for the baby to be born to. haha. I did a few last minute pushes to “Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson and the baby was pushed out to “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama. The total pushing stage was an hour and a half, but it only felt like maybe 15 minutes. The doctor said I did tear in 2 places and stitched me up.

My daughter was covered in vernix and crying loudly, and I was one proud mama. I had a VBAC! I can’t describe the feeling of pushing her out, except that it felt awesome, even though that sounds weird. I was just happy it didn’t hurt. My husband said that it was probably the coolest thing he’s ever seen. She was 8 lbs and 3 oz- a little smaller than my 1st daughter who was 8 lbs, 9 oz (and 2 weeks late).

So, 48 hours after doing the acupressure on myself, I had my baby 3 days before my due date at 11:25 pm- 15.5 hours of labor. It could have been the acupuncture; it could have been the stripping of the membranes/stretching of the cervix; or it could have been just nature. Either way, I was thrilled that I had a successful VBAC and would recommend it to others.

So far this pregnancy is similar to my last pregnancy, which was almost 2 years ago:  I’m 38 weeks pregnant (just about 39 weeks) and I’ve never experienced Braxton Hicks contractions ever, no contractions (with my 1st I didn’t have one contraction until I was in full-on labor), and my cervix is currently sealed up at a zero- sorry if that’s TMI. This worries me because my 1st daughter was 2 weeks late before I kind of broke my own water on accident, causing me to go into labor. I winded up needing a C-section in the end of that whole bloody mess (you can read about that towards the beginning of my blog posts). I’m attempting a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) this time around because I’m lucky to have a hospital that does them, and I really really want a successful VBAC. However, their rule is that if I’m more than 1 week late, they’ll have to do a C-section because they will not induce for a VBAC (which I agree with 100%).

At my appointment yesterday, the doctor said that he thinks this baby will be big also (my first was 8.9 oz at 2 weeks late), so that worries me a little since the longer I go, the bigger the baby will get. I know their estimates aren’t reliable since they told me my 1st daughter would be a small 7-pounder, but still. The idea of pushing out a 9+ baby with a C-section uterine scar makes me a little nervous, but I think my body can handle it. I’m going to try to go natural with no meds again since that should make the process faster and safer. I just wish I would get some sign of labor- even if it’s just 1 tiny contraction or dilating to 1 or 2 cms. I already exercise a lot and do the other stuff they say to induce naturally. When I know for sure we’re not getting a snowstorm tomorrow (I’ll need my mom to come here to watch my daughter if I go into labor and she’s an hour away) I think I’ll start with the acupressure points. Wish me luck!

Today I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. My due date is January 16th, and I’m starting to get anxious. Actually I’ve been very anxious for the last 2 months. Not the kind of anxious where I can’t wait for it to happen and for me to be home with the new baby. I’m the kind of anxious where I just want to keep her inside until everything in my life is just “perfect” and organized, and then I’ll be ready for her to come. Of course that will never happen, and I can’t be pregnant forever, so I have to face my Type A personality and try to relax a little bit. Last night we finally took down all the size 0-3 months clothes from the attic, and they’re now in the baby’s dresser. We also took down the infant car seats and have to put them in our cars, along with moving my 22-month old’s car seat over. At least I feel like I have a few things accomplished.

With my first daughter (The Diva), I had to have a C-section after getting to 9 cms because they thought I might have had a partial placental abruption. I was bleeding too much and even at only 3 cms my body was heaving everywhere with non-stop contractions, and I’m told it feels equivalent to being at “transition” phase, which you normally don’t get until towards the end. I had my heart set on a natural, no pain medicine birth, but I caved at 7 cms when I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. As I expected it slowed down the progression of the labor, and eventually when I was getting contractions, my daughter’s heart rate wasn’t going up as it should. So all those factors lead to the C-section, which I was very upset about. My recovery was easy and not really painful at all, but it was the fact that I had my heart set on a regular, natural birth that made it so disappointing.

My hospital is one of the few that performs VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). They’ve told me that not a lot of people attempt them, but they do them. If a person meets the criteria, then they can attempt a VBAC, but they do have certain rules for safety reasons. One rule is that they don’t induce since the Pitocin medicine gives you stronger contractions than the natural body does, and they don’t want to increase the chance of having your uterus rupture at the C-section scar. Another rule for VBACs is that they don’t let you go more than 41 weeks, and at that point they will do a C-section. In 3 days I have an appointment with the head doctor of the department, so I”m going to ask him all my VBAC questions. I have some weird ones, like should I be afraid to push too hard because of the scar ripping open. I have to admit that I am a little nervous–I don’t want me or my baby to die if my uterus ruptures and they can’t get me into surgery fast enough, but I also don’t want a 2nd C-section. There are also risks involved with 2nd C-sections, but nobody every talks about those. Plus, I have a daughter who will be 2 in February, and I can’t imagine not being able to lift her up for EIGHT weeks, which is the normal recovery time for a C-section. It’s impossible. I have to get her in her high chair, car seat, etc, and I’m home by myself most of the time. I shouldn’t even be really worrying though, because knowing my luck, I’ll be a week late anyway (my daughter was 2-weeks late), and I won’t have the choice of having a VBAC at that point. I’d love to hear if anyone has any successful VBAC stories, and if you did it with or without an epidural. I’m going to try again for no epidural, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself this time if I can’t follow through.

After about 3 days of being home from the hospital, my daughter would start to cry constantly. Yes, I know that babies do cry and that’s expected, but she would cry inconsolably and nothing would get her to stop except for eating, and then once she was done eating she’d immediately start back up. At first I thought it was because I was still trying to get used to breastfeeding, and that maybe she was just having a growth spurt, which is when babies want to eat non-stop for maybe up to a week. But after the 2nd week of this she still continued to cry and cry and cry. I thought maybe it might be gas pains, because that’s what my mom suggested, and my baby seemed to never burp no matter how much I tried to burp her. So I bought some of those infant gas drops, Mylicon, which other parents I knew swore by. I eagerly put the dose in my baby’s mouth and waited until the heavenly bliss of silence set in. She kept crying. I next tried to do these infant massage techniques that I read about, which are supposed to help babies with gas and to calm them. I did all the famous strokes, such as the “I love you,”  and the “around the clock,” but that only helped during the actual massage. The second I stopped she would start screaming again. Oh let me explain her cry. It wasn’t the normal baby cry like I would hear from other babies. She had this really really loud, piercing cry that you could hear outside and down the street. I’m not exaggerating. Our neighbors were walking outside and they said they could hear the baby from 7 houses down, and we had all the windows closed. This child is LOUD. You can’t even tune her out. We had many names for it: the cat cry (because she sounded like cats do when they fight with each other), the banshee wail, the shriek. And my daughter’s name became, “The Diva.” The nights were horrible. She still didn’t sleep and I had to feed her every 2 hours, so sleep didn’t exist for us. She would just cry all night long.

I wondered if she could be allergic to my breast milk, so I looked online and I read that some babies can be sensitive to certain foods that the mom eats. It seemed that for most people the culprit was dairy products, so I cut that out to see if it made any difference. It didn’t. When I brought her to the doctor for her check-up, I asked about the crying and they said it’s probably gas and that I just have to wait until her digestive system develops more. They gave me a list of foods that I should avoid, which are most likely to cause gas in babies through the breast milk. I actually laughed when they showed me the list. Were they serious? The list had about 40 items, and I think every possible food known to man was on this list. What was I supposed to eat? It seemed very hypocritical to me because they say you should eat healthy when breastfeeding, but the only thing I was allowed to eat was basically meat and pasta. No vegetables, no fruit, not even ketchup. What a joke. Regardless, I tried following it as best as I could, but I didn’t see any difference in my baby’s crying.

What was wrong with my child? I thought maybe this was just how all babies are, since I never had experience with babies before. But after seeing some of our friends’ babies who were born around the same time as ours, I realized that our daughter was definitely different. These other babies were quiet majority of the time, and when they cried from hunger or a dirty diaper they let out this little yelp, which sounded pretty pathetic compared to my daughter. My daughter cried majority of the time, and was quiet for maybe a few moments in the day and that’s all. Her crying times outnumbered her quiet times. I was jealous of the other parents and babies. Not only was I jealous, but I was mad and disappointed, and that made me feel like a crappy person. A year ago I was  trying my hardest to get pregnant and have a baby, and I was given the miracle of actually getting pregnant when I thought I couldn’t, so why was I complaining?! I felt ungrateful and that in turn made me feel even more horrible. Her inconsolable crying would make me cry because I didn’t know how to help her. The worst part was not the crying itself, but the fact that I couldn’t help my daughter with whatever it was that was making her cry. I was a bad parent, even though all my good intentions were there. I thought maybe that I shouldn’t have had her to begin with. Don’t get me wrong…I never wanted to harm her or myself or anything like that, in fact I would have done anything for her to help her, but because I felt so powerless, I thought I might have made the wrong decision in wanting a child so bad. Not to mention I was still really down about not having my natural labor go as planned. Could anything with this pregnancy/baby go right? My parents, in-laws, and friends would try to come over and help, but the baby would scream non-stop for them also. And the only thing that made the situation worse was their “advice,” which was basically everything that I tried already, so I would just get angry. I felt like I couldn’t bring the baby anywhere, and I hated that because our friends would get to bring their babies to restaurants and stores. The few times I tried to go out with her, I got stares from people wondering why I wasn’t doing anything to stop my child from crying. She could go hours without stopping, every day. I believe that her constant crying is what gave me the Baby Blues. I felt so helpless and upset all the time. Motherhood wasn’t fun at all. I actually missed work.

Finally, the doctor said she could be categorized as having Colic, since by their definition, it means crying for 3 hours, at least 3 times a week. And they said there wasn’t anything I could really do except wait for it to end, which usually happens when the baby is around 3-4 months old. This was the point when I started to research colic and what I COULD do to help my baby (and my husband and I) because not doing anything was NOT an option for me.

So I was at 3 cms and the contractions were coming super fast and super strong. But they were coming so fast that I barely had time to breathe in between them, and this was without inducing medicine. I remember gripping the handles on the bed for dear life during them, and the nurses and doctor kept asking me if I wanted any pain medicine, but I kept saying no. I wanted to do this the natural way. The pain was the worst in my lower back, so I knew right away that my baby was in the posterior, “sunny side up position,” facing towards my belly instead of my back. Until that point, I never understood the whole back labor thing and how women said it was so bad. Well now I understood–it’s not just back pain…it’s like deep spinal pain, like someone pinching your spinal nerves with their fingers, along with the intense cramping pain you feel in your uterus at the same time. The doctor kept checking me and I noticed that she was kind of talking under her breath to the nurses in the room. At that point I suddenly remembered the stuff I learned in Childbirth Prep class, and I asked if I could sit up in the rocking chair instead of on my back in bed. The doctor said that I really shouldn’t. I was a little confused as to why, so when she left I asked the nurse why I couldn’t sit up in the chair. She said that I’m bleeding “a little more than normal.”  Um, ok. About 15 minutes later the contractions were even stronger then before, and this is the point where my labor started to rival scenes from the movie, “The Exorcist.” (Just a warning that if you’re pregnant you may not want to read this. I seriously had the labor & delivery from hell, and I don’t want to scare anyone who’s nervous to begin with. My situation was not normal.)  

I started to feel really nauseous and with each contraction the nauseousness would get really strong. The nurse said that this was a good thing and that it meant my body was getting ready for labor. So she gave me the puke bucket and I vomited. But then the contractions were coming really fast, and at some point my whole body let loose and for each strong contraction I had fluid coming out of every orifice possible (well, maybe not my ears, but everywhere else). Vomit, snot, amniotic fluid, blood, and yes the dreaded one that us women fear more than labor itself: poop. And even though I was always fearful that I may be one of those women who it happened to, when I actually did it I totally didn’t care. I was more focused on trying to breathe because I felt horrible. The nurse said that I was still bleeding a lot with each contraction, so I asked if it was ok if I got up to use the bathroom because I had to go-again. She said I could. So as I’m walking to the bathroom I get a glimpse of what the doctor/nurses were talking about. In my 7 steps to the bathroom I left a huge path of blood–it was like a horror film. All I kept thinking was that in my Childbirth Prep class they said that you don’t actually bleed that much during childbirth. Well then what was going on with me?? That’s when I started to get nervous. And I totally forgot all about the bag I brought with me that had all my “natural birth prep” items in it, like lotion and relaxing pics. I did take my ipod out at one point, but the doctor kept coming in so frequently and I wanted to hear what she was saying, so it was a lost cause. Finally, with all the fluids being lost with every contraction and the intense pain I was in, I gave up and asked for the epidural. I had made it to 6 cms, and I felt really defeated asking for the epi, but I felt drained beyond anything. It took the guy an HOUR to get to my room, which in my mind served me right for caving in and asking for it (yes, I’m actually still bitter about not having the willpower to go natural). I didn’t feel a thing while getting the epidural. And within 10 minutes I was in heaven. No pain whatsoever.

I got to 8 cms and the dr said that the baby’s heartbeat wasn’t going up during my contractions anymore (just staying the same), which is a bad thing. I had also developed a fever. This was exactly why I wanted a natural birth. I knew that the drugs affect the baby negatively. She said that unless I made it to 10 cms within the next hour I would need a C-section for two reasons: 1. She wasn’t sure that the baby could handle the pushing stage because of being stressed, and 2. I was bleeding so heavily that there was a chance I had a partial placental abruption (so THIS is why no one was saying anything earlier. They didn’t want to scare me). I only made it to 9 cms within the next hour so I had to have the C-section. Because of my high fever (104), I was a little out of it during the procedure, but I remember shaking uncontrollably from the chills, and I remember being a little nauseous. I also remember the intense pushing on my belly to get the baby out. The dr asked the anesthesiologist to give me some muscle relaxer because she couldn’t pull the baby out of my “tight ab muscles.” All those sit-ups I did at the gym to help for pushing actually turned against me!! Then I heard “it’s a girl!” and LOUD crying and I was one happy mama.

My baby was beautiful and NOTHING like the scary 4D ultrasound, so I was very thankful about that. 8 pounds, 9 ounces. I wanted to breastfeed right away, but they didn’t want to let me because they were afraid that my high fever was some kind of infection. Finally, they called the pediatrician who said I could breastfeed (I was angry because it was obvious to me that I got the fever from the epidural..I wasn’t sick when I first went to the hospital). The baby latched on right away. I was in recovery for about 4 hours, and then I was finally able to go to a room. I had gone into my labor wanting an all-natural, peaceful experience. I had gotten exactly the opposite, but all that was important to me at that moment was that my baby was healthy and I’m very thankful for that. At the beginning of my pregnancy my hospital was looking for people who wanted to be on the show, “A Baby Story” to have their delivery filmed. Thankfully I didn’t sign up because that would have been one horrific episode!

A few days after I found out that my baby was breech, I had my final Childbirth Preparation Class. I felt a little defeated going into the class since I had spent the last 4 weeks psyching myself up for natural childbirth and practicing my Lamaze techniques, squats, etc. Ironically, the beginning of the lesson was about unplanned issues during labor & delivery and how we always have to be ready to “flip our cards” of what we expect or want. They briefly talked about Breech presentations and asked if anyone knew if their baby was currently breech, so I raised my hand. The instructor could tell I was disappointed, and she tried to make me feel better by telling me more about laboring positions that can sometimes help turn the baby during delivery. I didn’t want to stay breech up until delivery though…I was hoping to flip my baby around before that point.

The second half of the class covered the topic that all Middle School and High School students dread most in Health class: the delivery video. Only this was worse because back then you just said to yourself you’re NEVER having kids. Now the issue becomes real and you know you’re indeed having a baby and that everything you see in that video might just happen to you. Yes I did want my delivery to be natural (which was the case for a few women in the video), but what made watching it unbearable wasn’t the look of pain on their faces, or the graphic nature of the video…..it was watching the video WITH my husband. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed. There were about 10 other couples in the class, and only my husband was the one to squeal like a little girl, gasp loudly, make jerky movements, and physically cover his eyes with his hands. You would have thought we WERE in Middle School. The rest of the class couldn’t stop laughing at him. There was even a point when he kept repeating like a chant, “omg, omg, omg,” and he stood up and paced around his chair! Ah..I remember thinking that if this is foreshadowing to what the big day was going to be like, then I was in trouble. What a good coach, huh?

The time had come for my follow-up appointment at the ultrasound place to get a second look at the baby’s heart, since they couldn’t get good pictures last time due to the baby’s curled up position. I was happy I’d at least get to see another picture of my baby and hopefully get a confirmation that the baby is indeed a girl–especially because everyone said it looked like I was having a boy since I was carrying so small and in front. I have to admit, I looked pretty good pregnant. No one could even tell I was pregnant unless I turned so they could see my profile. I was still hitting the gym 3 times a week, but just doing mild exercises.

I was now 7 1/2 months pregnant, and at the appointment I saw that the baby had grown a lot since the 20 week ultrasound. In fact you couldn’t even see the baby that well anymore because whereas before you could see the entire profile of the baby’s body, now you can only see certain parts of the baby very close up. I asked the tech if the baby still looks like a girl, and she said yes, so that made me feel a lot better since a lot of people got me “girl” clothes. This is the same tech I had for the past 3 visits, and I really like her a lot.  She got the heart pictures she needed, and I asked what certain pictures on the monitor were of, because I sure couldn’t tell (being that they were zoomed in so close). She then zoomed in on the face and switched the machine from 3D to 4D and WOW..there was my baby! It was wild how clear (and freaky) the 4D pictures were. She printed them out for me and told me not to tell anyone since they’re not supposed to use the 4D feature. I know that some people pay big money for 4D ultrasounds, so I thought it was really nice of her to do that for me as a courtesy. When I got a chance to really look at the 4D pictures I got a little nervous. The baby looked weird! The tech explained that shadows occur on the pictures which can distort things, but man, I was getting scared that my baby was going to look like an alien. The nose looked huge, the chin looked too small and almost like the jaw was missing…I was beginning to regret seeing these pictures at all! In the back of my mind I tried to reassure myself that the tech and doctors never said anything about the baby missing her chin or anything, so I guess everything was ok, but I was still a little nervous. Great; another thing that made me feel like a bad mom already: being worried about my baby’s appearance. Isn’t there ever a time when a woman can just relax during pregnancy and not be paranoid about something?

The biggest shock of all during the ultrasound was when the tech told me that the baby was currently in a breech position. Even though she was head down (vertex) about 10 weeks earlier, she was now breech. She said not to worry since there is still time for her to turn, but that I may want to consider different delivery options with my doctor. Oh no, add another thing to worry about during this pregnancy. To make matters worse, I had just sealed in my mind that I was going to have an all-natural labor. If the baby didn’t turn by my delivery, I would have to have a C-section, which I did NOT want. It was time to do what I do best: research like crazy for answers and try to turn this baby around!

My husband and I began taking Childbirth Preparation classes, aka Lamaze, which were once a week for 4 weeks. I didn’t know much about what to expect from labor except for pain, so I felt this class was pretty important to educate myself so that I’d be better prepared. On the first day of class they asked how many of us wanted a natural, drug-free, labor- I didn’t raise my hand. I didn’t know what I wanted at the time and that was part of the reason I took the class. The first class involved a lot of physical stuff like stretching and the breathing exercises that you see all the time. They also showed us different labor positions you could do, some of which are better for back pain, to speed up labor, to slow down labor, to turn a baby, etc. The second class was about our expectations about childbirth. We had to play this game, kind of like the Newleywed Game, where you see how you and the baby’s dad’s answers matched up.  One of the questions asked what would be the first song that mom sings to the baby. My husband got this correct- “Dizzy” by Ours. It’s not a baby-related song at all, depressing actually, but the music from it kind of sounds like a lullaby. Another question asked how long mom would be in labor. My husband said Two Hours. The instructors cracked up. Oh, did he have a lot to learn! 

 The class also started to talk about the different medications that are used for pain relief, inductions, and emergencies. THIS was an eye-opening class for me. I had no idea all the side effects that these drugs could cause, and how they can affect the baby during the process. I was especially concerned about the ever-so-popular labor inducing drug, Pitocin, or as I like to call it, “the Devil drug.”  I personally know at least 4 women who have been induced, only to wind up needing a C-section because of the baby’s heart rate dropping from the drug. No thank you. If I could control or prevent the chance of something bad happening to the baby, you bet I would do everything in my power to prevent it. By the time the class was over, I was convinced that I was going to have a Natural Labor. No epidural, no pain relief drugs, just breathing, meditating, focusing, and of course music. My friends laughed at me, my family didn’t understand me, and they both didn’t believe me. I’m a very headstrong person, so the fact that I felt like I was being mocked made me even more determined to have a natural birth. Who are these people to judge me? Who are they to say I can’t take the pain? I have always had a very high pain tolerance. I think it may have happened from years of dealing with severe migraines since I was 14. They would be horrible and I couldn’t open my eyes or walk when I had one, but eventually I got to the point where I hated having to depend on medicine to make me feel better, so I just stopped taking them. It was agonizing, but it made me feel like a stronger person. This is horrible, but I think it made me also start to view people who needed pain medicine as “weak,”  and this now included needing drugs for childbirth. So people laughing in my face and telling me there was no way I could go drug-free during labor pissed me off royally. Game’s on.