I had a doctor’s appointment when I was 39 weeks pregnant. The doctor told me I was only dilated 1-2 cms, and he was going to strip my membranes and try to stretch my cervix to jump start labor since he knew I wanted a VBAC (Vaginal Birth after Cesarean)- I had that done with my first daughter, even though it didn’t help start labor then. The doctor this time didn’t make me bleed from stripping my membranes, but it was really uncomfortable and hurt a bit (not bad though). That night I started doing acupressure on myself on key points that are supposed to help induce labor (on the ankle and on the hand). It’s supposed to work within 48 hours. Well, the next evening in the middle of the night I started getting some mild cramping, which is like menstrual cramps. The next morning at 8am I started getting contractions, and as with my first daughter, they were immediately 1.5 minutes apart, but only lasted 20-30 seconds. I wanted to stay home as long as possible, so I didn’t go to the hospital until around 4pm, which is when I couldn’t talk through the contractions any longer.

The hospital told me I was 3-4 cms dilated at that point, and I was a little disappointed because I was hoping to be further along. As the contractions got stronger, in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I hope they don’t cause my c-section uterine scar to rupture. Then the pain got so bad that I forgot all about the chance of rupture and just wanted each contraction to be over with. I eventually couldn’t take it any longer and got the epidural at 6-7 cms dilated. One of the reasons I didn’t want an epidural was because I didn’t want it to lead to another c-section, which is common. But this time it was different: no complications! The baby’s heart rate was good the entire time, I kept dilating, my contractions stayed consistent, and I wasn’t bleeding excessively. Yay! I started to feel contractions again and was worried that my epidural was fading. That was when the nurse said that I reached 10 cms and could start pushing. I had heard from people that even with an epidural you can still feel the pushing and “ring of fire” from the baby being delivered. Luckily, that wasn’t the case for me. The contraction pain actually went away as I was pushing, so I was more than happy to keep pushing. They didn’t have to turn down my epidural because they said my pushing was very effective and I had strong abs. I felt the baby moving down and could feel her head. The entire time I had my ipod going, and the doctor said that the baby was coming so I should pick a song I like for the baby to be born to. haha. I did a few last minute pushes to “Sweet Dreams” by Marilyn Manson and the baby was pushed out to “Anything, Anything” by Dramarama. The total pushing stage was an hour and a half, but it only felt like maybe 15 minutes. The doctor said I did tear in 2 places and stitched me up.

My daughter was covered in vernix and crying loudly, and I was one proud mama. I had a VBAC! I can’t describe the feeling of pushing her out, except that it felt awesome, even though that sounds weird. I was just happy it didn’t hurt. My husband said that it was probably the coolest thing he’s ever seen. She was 8 lbs and 3 oz- a little smaller than my 1st daughter who was 8 lbs, 9 oz (and 2 weeks late).

So, 48 hours after doing the acupressure on myself, I had my baby 3 days before my due date at 11:25 pm- 15.5 hours of labor. It could have been the acupuncture; it could have been the stripping of the membranes/stretching of the cervix; or it could have been just nature. Either way, I was thrilled that I had a successful VBAC and would recommend it to others.

So far this pregnancy is similar to my last pregnancy, which was almost 2 years ago:  I’m 38 weeks pregnant (just about 39 weeks) and I’ve never experienced Braxton Hicks contractions ever, no contractions (with my 1st I didn’t have one contraction until I was in full-on labor), and my cervix is currently sealed up at a zero- sorry if that’s TMI. This worries me because my 1st daughter was 2 weeks late before I kind of broke my own water on accident, causing me to go into labor. I winded up needing a C-section in the end of that whole bloody mess (you can read about that towards the beginning of my blog posts). I’m attempting a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) this time around because I’m lucky to have a hospital that does them, and I really really want a successful VBAC. However, their rule is that if I’m more than 1 week late, they’ll have to do a C-section because they will not induce for a VBAC (which I agree with 100%).

At my appointment yesterday, the doctor said that he thinks this baby will be big also (my first was 8.9 oz at 2 weeks late), so that worries me a little since the longer I go, the bigger the baby will get. I know their estimates aren’t reliable since they told me my 1st daughter would be a small 7-pounder, but still. The idea of pushing out a 9+ baby with a C-section uterine scar makes me a little nervous, but I think my body can handle it. I’m going to try to go natural with no meds again since that should make the process faster and safer. I just wish I would get some sign of labor- even if it’s just 1 tiny contraction or dilating to 1 or 2 cms. I already exercise a lot and do the other stuff they say to induce naturally. When I know for sure we’re not getting a snowstorm tomorrow (I’ll need my mom to come here to watch my daughter if I go into labor and she’s an hour away) I think I’ll start with the acupressure points. Wish me luck!

Today I am officially 36 weeks pregnant. My due date is January 16th, and I’m starting to get anxious. Actually I’ve been very anxious for the last 2 months. Not the kind of anxious where I can’t wait for it to happen and for me to be home with the new baby. I’m the kind of anxious where I just want to keep her inside until everything in my life is just “perfect” and organized, and then I’ll be ready for her to come. Of course that will never happen, and I can’t be pregnant forever, so I have to face my Type A personality and try to relax a little bit. Last night we finally took down all the size 0-3 months clothes from the attic, and they’re now in the baby’s dresser. We also took down the infant car seats and have to put them in our cars, along with moving my 22-month old’s car seat over. At least I feel like I have a few things accomplished.

With my first daughter (The Diva), I had to have a C-section after getting to 9 cms because they thought I might have had a partial placental abruption. I was bleeding too much and even at only 3 cms my body was heaving everywhere with non-stop contractions, and I’m told it feels equivalent to being at “transition” phase, which you normally don’t get until towards the end. I had my heart set on a natural, no pain medicine birth, but I caved at 7 cms when I couldn’t catch my breath anymore. As I expected it slowed down the progression of the labor, and eventually when I was getting contractions, my daughter’s heart rate wasn’t going up as it should. So all those factors lead to the C-section, which I was very upset about. My recovery was easy and not really painful at all, but it was the fact that I had my heart set on a regular, natural birth that made it so disappointing.

My hospital is one of the few that performs VBACs (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). They’ve told me that not a lot of people attempt them, but they do them. If a person meets the criteria, then they can attempt a VBAC, but they do have certain rules for safety reasons. One rule is that they don’t induce since the Pitocin medicine gives you stronger contractions than the natural body does, and they don’t want to increase the chance of having your uterus rupture at the C-section scar. Another rule for VBACs is that they don’t let you go more than 41 weeks, and at that point they will do a C-section. In 3 days I have an appointment with the head doctor of the department, so I”m going to ask him all my VBAC questions. I have some weird ones, like should I be afraid to push too hard because of the scar ripping open. I have to admit that I am a little nervous–I don’t want me or my baby to die if my uterus ruptures and they can’t get me into surgery fast enough, but I also don’t want a 2nd C-section. There are also risks involved with 2nd C-sections, but nobody every talks about those. Plus, I have a daughter who will be 2 in February, and I can’t imagine not being able to lift her up for EIGHT weeks, which is the normal recovery time for a C-section. It’s impossible. I have to get her in her high chair, car seat, etc, and I’m home by myself most of the time. I shouldn’t even be really worrying though, because knowing my luck, I’ll be a week late anyway (my daughter was 2-weeks late), and I won’t have the choice of having a VBAC at that point. I’d love to hear if anyone has any successful VBAC stories, and if you did it with or without an epidural. I’m going to try again for no epidural, but I’m not going to be so hard on myself this time if I can’t follow through.

I got a call yesterday from the doctor’s office (9 full days after my amniocentesis was performed), and they said that everything was normal- the baby is negative for Down’s Syndrome!  They also confirmed that it definitely is a girl.  I can’t even begin to explain the weight that has been lifted off my shoulders. I would have never been able to go on with the rest of this pregnancy without knowing. The stress of that alone would have been bad for the baby I think.  I go back to the doctor next week to get the full 20-week anatomical ultrasound performed, even though they checked a lot of the organs when doing the amnio.  It’s still exciting though because I get to see her move around, which I love.

As for my Diva daughter, who’s now 18-months old, she’s been pointing to my belly and kissing it, and saying “bay bay,” which I THINK is her saying “baby”; who knows.  I tell her there’s a baby in mommy’s belly, but I don’t know if she grasps the concept.  Her temper tantrums have been awful lately–it’s really getting me nervous how I’m going to handle her and a newborn at the same time. I was originally going to get a double stroller, but she’s so bad with the stroller now.  But when I take her out to walk, she doesn’t stay with me—she runs away like I kidnapped her and she’s finally been set free.  If she was good with holding my hand or walking with the stroller I’d probably skip getting a double stroller.  But I’m thinking at this point that maybe I’ll get one (used) just to secure her in (even though she’ll kick & scream like she does now). Oh, the challenge of having an intense, spirited child.  I’m so jealous of people with easygoing babies.  They have NO idea what it’s like.  I really hope my new baby is a little easier.  I know that sounds bad, but I need a break!!

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and had my amniocentesis performed today to see if the baby has Down’s Syndrome. It’s going to take up to 2 weeks for the results, but a good sign is that there were no visible “markers” on the ultrasound showing deformities that may occur when a baby has Down’s. Plus, they also reaffirmed that my ratio from the blood screening is only slightly within the “higher chance” level, so the chances are about 1 percent (1: 235). I think I was more scared today about the risk of miscarriage from the amnio itself. The actual procedure didn’t hurt at all. I’ve had worse experiences with techs at the blood lab drawing blood from my arm. It feels like a pin prick, like you get when you have blood taken or have an IV put in your arm, but you only feel that on the outside of your skin. The doctor then goes through your muscle & fat layers, and that just feels weird (deep), but not painful. He did say I may feel mild cramping when he hit the uterus (like period cramps), but I barely felt anything. Since the doctor was viewing an ultrasound at the same time, he waited to push through to the amniotic sac because the baby decided to move its hand right where he was going to prick. I think it took about 2-3 full minutes for the baby to finally move its hand, (they jiggled my belly so it would move), so the doctor then pushed through and took out about 4 tablespoons of amniotic fluid. The baby then decided that it wanted to touch the foreign object in its environment, so it moved its hand over towards the needle (while I held my breath!). But the doctor said that it would only touch the side of the needle, not the pointy part. And I guess it didn’t touch the pointy part because it didn’t jerk away. Curious little baby I guess. The tech said it’s a girl, and I was thrilled about that because I have so many beautiful clothes that my 18 month old daughter barely got to wear. I think my husband is a tad disappointed, but oh well. When the doctor pulled the needle out, I could feel the needle going through all the layers of tissue, and that felt creepy. Then they had me lay there for about 5 minutes and told me to rest for the next 24-48 hours. No lifting, strenuous activity, sex, etc.

They said you can spot blood or amniotic fluid and/or feel mild cramping for the next day or 2. It’s been 9 hours so far, and I haven’t had any spotting/leaking thankfully, but I get very mild cramping when I stand or walk. So I’ve been laying down or sitting all day. My husband stayed home from work and my mom is coming over tomorrow to help me with my daughter (lifting her up, etc). The doctor said that usually if a miscarriage is going to happen, it happens within the first 2-3 days of the amnio, but usually the 1st day. After that, the other concern is infection from the needle, which can happen within 2 weeks. I’ll just keep focusing on positive, happy thoughts, so I can have a healthy little girl.

I’m 15 weeks along in my pregnancy now. I’m feeling good: no more nausea and not too tired. I do get shortness of breath sometimes, but it’s dealable. I’m still stuck with the current house, but I think I’m close to talking my husband into moving his big office to the smallest bedroom in the house, so that I can move my daughter into that room, and the future baby will go into my daughter’s current room. We’ll still be seriously short on closet space, but oh well. It could be a lot worse.

Lately, I’ve been wondering how exactly I’m going to manage a newborn with a 23-month old running around. Specifically, nursing. I know with “the Diva,” she nursed for like 45 minutes in the beginning, and then I had to start all over in 30-45 minutes. I was a constant feeding machine. How am I going to run around and chase my daughter and make sure she’s not getting into trouble while trying to nurse the newborn? I’m also trying to figure out the “gear” now. I think I’m going to use my daughter’s current crib for the baby (after a few months in a bassinet), and then I’ll have to move my daughter into a twin bed with rails. I didn’t want to do it at 23 months, but it just makes the most sense. And then potty training will probably have to start around then also. I really hate having all these changes for my daughter at once: new baby, new room, new bed, potty training. I worry that she’s going to feel like she was kicked out into the cold. She has sooo much attention from me now, and she’s definitely a “mama’s girl.”

As for music, my daughter LOVES it. She dances and claps whenever she hears music. Today I was playing a dvd of Jimmy Gnecco’s video “Mystery,” on the computer and she noticed and started swaying back and forth. Speaking of Jimmy/Ours, his new record label, Bright Antenna, has been streaming chat sessions with Jimmy, and they’re awesome! In fact, right now I’m watching a live concert of him playing at the Brooklyn Bowl show. I’m really loving the things this small label has been doing for him. It’s really a shame that the large labels he was with in the past didn’t give him the advertising or backing that he’s worth. At least he’s doing everything on his own terms now. And I mean everything- vocals, guitar, bass, drums, keyboard, producing, etc. I’m loving his solo album, “The Heart.” A big portion of the album was dedicated and/or influenced by the passing of his mom from lung cancer last year. I think the reason the album hits me so hard is because my dad was going through lung cancer the same time as his mom was, and they both died in November 2009. In a live recording from a past show, he talks about the meaning of the song “Bring You Home,” and how part of it is about putting his mom in the hospital even though she didn’t want to go. And how he wish he could bring her home, regardless of what the right thing to do is. I understand that struggle 100%. Before my dad was home on hospice, he was in a rehabilitation center for 2 or 3 months where nurses cared for him and tried to get him up and walking because he was so weak from cancer. He hated it there and once said to my mom, “I’m gonna die here aren’t I? They’re never gonna let me go home.” That was so hard to here. So whenever I hear Jimmy’s song, it hits a note. A deep, harmonic minor note.

I had the big appointment today at the OBGYN to determine if my pregnancy is “viable” or not. Before my appointment I went to the gym to de-stress and kick up my happy endorphins. I hate when you go to the doctor’s office and they call you in right away, and you get undressed, but then you sit there FOREVER- naked, cold, & bored. At least there’s magazines in the waiting room. Well, that’s what happened this time. Because I was nervous to begin with, sitting there doing nothing made it worse. So I started to visualize seeing a heartbeat on the ultrasound monitor, and even tapped the machine and said, “show me good things!” My nervousness was getting the best of me though, so I finally just laid down and sang the song “Dizzy” in my head from the band Ours. That song always does the trick–I was relaxed and happy. The doctor who I like came in and said my blood work from last week looked good, so he’s going to do the ultrasound which will be the final determining factor–I guess the factor of whether it’s a miscarriage or not. I noticed he didn’t turn the monitor towards me in order for me to see the results immediately, which I was grateful for, because I didn’t want to look. He then turned it towards me and said, “We have a baby, and a heartbeat.”  Yay!! I was ecstatic, but as usual I played it off like I didn’t care and said calmly, “oh good.” Inside I was freaking out though! He said I have to get a Dating Ultrasound to determine my due date, since I’m “sizing small,” based on my last menstrual date, but we both acknowledged that it’s because I have a crazy cycle, so I know I got pregnant later than a normal cycle would.

As for my pregnancy symptoms this time around, I do get morning sickness (and evening sickness), but as with my last pregnancy, it’s not too bad. At least not enough that I vomit. I only get nauseous, especially if I have an empty stomach, so once I eat it goes away. I have a “beautiful” pregnancy mask. Ugh. Actually that was one of the reasons I took a pregnancy test to begin with. Nothing like looking like a freak to tell the world you’re pregnant! Haha. I have killer sinus headaches that make me miserable. The other day at the food store I actually had about 10 minutes of blurred vision, which freaked me out a little bit, but once I went outside it was fine (followed by a terrible sinus headache). My blood pressure is really good though, so the doctor said no biggie. I’m already urinating a lot and already have a belly, which is crazy to me. It must be bloating since I think I’m only about 7 1/2 weeks, but it’s weird since I didn’t show at all until I was about 5 months pregnant last time. They say it happens with 2nd pregnancies though. One symptom I DON’T have, which made me nervous about going into this appointment, is breast pain. With my last pregnancy, it was the most obvious symptom to me…but with this one, I have none at all. That’s fine by me. I told my husband the good news, and I started “telling” my 15-month old daughter by pointing to my belly and saying, “there’s a baby in there.” Hopefully she doesn’t start saying the word “baby” and repeating it to her grandparents because I don’t plan on telling them yet.

After about 3 days of being home from the hospital, my daughter would start to cry constantly. Yes, I know that babies do cry and that’s expected, but she would cry inconsolably and nothing would get her to stop except for eating, and then once she was done eating she’d immediately start back up. At first I thought it was because I was still trying to get used to breastfeeding, and that maybe she was just having a growth spurt, which is when babies want to eat non-stop for maybe up to a week. But after the 2nd week of this she still continued to cry and cry and cry. I thought maybe it might be gas pains, because that’s what my mom suggested, and my baby seemed to never burp no matter how much I tried to burp her. So I bought some of those infant gas drops, Mylicon, which other parents I knew swore by. I eagerly put the dose in my baby’s mouth and waited until the heavenly bliss of silence set in. She kept crying. I next tried to do these infant massage techniques that I read about, which are supposed to help babies with gas and to calm them. I did all the famous strokes, such as the “I love you,”  and the “around the clock,” but that only helped during the actual massage. The second I stopped she would start screaming again. Oh let me explain her cry. It wasn’t the normal baby cry like I would hear from other babies. She had this really really loud, piercing cry that you could hear outside and down the street. I’m not exaggerating. Our neighbors were walking outside and they said they could hear the baby from 7 houses down, and we had all the windows closed. This child is LOUD. You can’t even tune her out. We had many names for it: the cat cry (because she sounded like cats do when they fight with each other), the banshee wail, the shriek. And my daughter’s name became, “The Diva.” The nights were horrible. She still didn’t sleep and I had to feed her every 2 hours, so sleep didn’t exist for us. She would just cry all night long.

I wondered if she could be allergic to my breast milk, so I looked online and I read that some babies can be sensitive to certain foods that the mom eats. It seemed that for most people the culprit was dairy products, so I cut that out to see if it made any difference. It didn’t. When I brought her to the doctor for her check-up, I asked about the crying and they said it’s probably gas and that I just have to wait until her digestive system develops more. They gave me a list of foods that I should avoid, which are most likely to cause gas in babies through the breast milk. I actually laughed when they showed me the list. Were they serious? The list had about 40 items, and I think every possible food known to man was on this list. What was I supposed to eat? It seemed very hypocritical to me because they say you should eat healthy when breastfeeding, but the only thing I was allowed to eat was basically meat and pasta. No vegetables, no fruit, not even ketchup. What a joke. Regardless, I tried following it as best as I could, but I didn’t see any difference in my baby’s crying.

What was wrong with my child? I thought maybe this was just how all babies are, since I never had experience with babies before. But after seeing some of our friends’ babies who were born around the same time as ours, I realized that our daughter was definitely different. These other babies were quiet majority of the time, and when they cried from hunger or a dirty diaper they let out this little yelp, which sounded pretty pathetic compared to my daughter. My daughter cried majority of the time, and was quiet for maybe a few moments in the day and that’s all. Her crying times outnumbered her quiet times. I was jealous of the other parents and babies. Not only was I jealous, but I was mad and disappointed, and that made me feel like a crappy person. A year ago I was  trying my hardest to get pregnant and have a baby, and I was given the miracle of actually getting pregnant when I thought I couldn’t, so why was I complaining?! I felt ungrateful and that in turn made me feel even more horrible. Her inconsolable crying would make me cry because I didn’t know how to help her. The worst part was not the crying itself, but the fact that I couldn’t help my daughter with whatever it was that was making her cry. I was a bad parent, even though all my good intentions were there. I thought maybe that I shouldn’t have had her to begin with. Don’t get me wrong…I never wanted to harm her or myself or anything like that, in fact I would have done anything for her to help her, but because I felt so powerless, I thought I might have made the wrong decision in wanting a child so bad. Not to mention I was still really down about not having my natural labor go as planned. Could anything with this pregnancy/baby go right? My parents, in-laws, and friends would try to come over and help, but the baby would scream non-stop for them also. And the only thing that made the situation worse was their “advice,” which was basically everything that I tried already, so I would just get angry. I felt like I couldn’t bring the baby anywhere, and I hated that because our friends would get to bring their babies to restaurants and stores. The few times I tried to go out with her, I got stares from people wondering why I wasn’t doing anything to stop my child from crying. She could go hours without stopping, every day. I believe that her constant crying is what gave me the Baby Blues. I felt so helpless and upset all the time. Motherhood wasn’t fun at all. I actually missed work.

Finally, the doctor said she could be categorized as having Colic, since by their definition, it means crying for 3 hours, at least 3 times a week. And they said there wasn’t anything I could really do except wait for it to end, which usually happens when the baby is around 3-4 months old. This was the point when I started to research colic and what I COULD do to help my baby (and my husband and I) because not doing anything was NOT an option for me.

I was just about 37 weeks pregnant and the baby was still breech. People stopped saying to me that she has plenty of time to turn, because we were running out of time. The doctor mentioned that if the baby was still breech for the next appointment, then he’ll try external version which is when they try to turn the baby from pushing on your stomach (which I hear is pretty painful and doesn’t always work). My hospital doesn’t attempt vaginal births for breech babies. I began to get desperate and didn’t want to play the waiting game any longer so I started to research what I can do. I found a list of a variety of things and I pretty much did ALL of them. The funniest of which were the different physical positions, like laying on your back on the floor with your legs up against the couch sticking straight up in the air (breech tilt). Or getting on all fours and laying your arms and top-half of your body on the ground, so that your butt is sticking up to the highest point possible (cat stretch-ah, how I hope the mailman didn’t see me those days). Or laying on your back with your knees bent and putting 3 huge pillows under your butt (pelvic tilt). Or trying to do this choreographed “crawl” around my entire house on hands and knees (on hardwood floors), which gave me a lovely array of knee bruises.  I also sat on my exercise ball and would rotate my hips around in a circle for about 30 minutes at a time.

The less physical methods included meditation and focused thinking, such as picturing my baby turning; putting an ice pack on my stomach; very light self-massages in a circle motion on my belly. I would shine a flashlight on my belly from up high and slowly move the light down to where the head _should_ be; the idea being that the baby wants to follow the light with its eyes/head. I would sit at work and do this in between my work assignments. I would also do the same thing with tapping my hand, instead of using a flashlight, hoping the baby would follow the noise. My husband would talk to my pelvic area in hopes that the baby would follow the sound. But the method I used the most was playing music from my mp3 player and putting the headphones up to my pelvic area. I found myself using a set mix of about 10 songs, mostly softer-sounding alternative rock-type songs, and a few slow pop songs.  I tended to use higher pitch songs since I heard that babies seem to like high pitched voices. My song list included “Dizzy”, “Meet Me in the Tower”, and “Places” by Ours (these became my “staple” songs throughout my pregnancy), “The Frail” by Nine Inch Nails, most of the “Ok Computer” album by Radiohead, “Angel” and “I Love You” by Sarah McLachlan, “Turn My Head” by Live, “Angel Standing By” by Jewel, and “I Grieve” by Peter Gabriel. I also put some original songs from my husband on my mp3 player, one which included both of us singing, and played them to the baby down low, since she would prefer our voices over anyone else’s. One day I finally got some validation that the baby could hear the music. I didn’t realize that my mp3 player was up on full volume and I started to play a song to her, while holding the earbud down very low in the pelvic area. When the music started (very loudly), I felt the baby jump. I scared her! I felt bad, but then I was elated, because I knew for a fact she could hear. After that day I made sure the volume was on a better level.

I had read that being so far along in my pregnancy, you can feel if and when the baby turns. Some women said they totally felt the baby flip, and that it was the biggest baby movement ever. My baby had always kicked/moved a lot and you could see her moving if you looked at my belly. But during this period of trying to get her to turn, I felt nothing like a huge movement and was convinced that she was still breech when I walked into my Week 38 doctor’s appointment. I was shocked when the doctor felt my belly and said she turned! I don’t know which of the 20 or so methods did it, or if it just happened anyway, but I was thrilled! So to all those women carrying breech babies…don’t give up. And keep trying these methods you hear about, because I am one case where it DID work, so stay positive and get on all 4’s girl! haha.